02 May 2012

Look At Me – Willfully Blind

current state of mind: distracted

So come and turn me on, baby, be my Marlon Brando
Take a good snapshot, get me from my better angle
‘Cause I like it hot; and you know I love a scandal
Tell me what you’re, what you’re waiting for
~ ‘Touch Me’ by Katharine McPhee and One Republic

I wear contacts.  Lots of people tell me I need to get LASIK.  I am not a viable LASIK candidate.  Thanks to some little Tortfeaser Toddler (TT), my eye sustained serious trauma when I was 4.  I am pretty sure the Statute of Limitations has long passed – so no matter.  “Hey, Jilly . . .” then a spork in the eye.  Yes, I did say “spork”.  TT could have worn the moniker “Robin of the Hood” with pride because he hit a fricking bull’s-eye with that spork.  Running across my left cornea is a perfect scar line.  It is that scar which scares the begeezus out of ophthalmologists who have to weigh the money they could earn against the medical malpractice and negligence lawsuit I could file when the LASIK causes additional damage to my cornea because the scar tissue is “uncooperative”.  In fact, I even had one ophthalmologist say that any surgeon who would be willing to try LASIK on that eye is irresponsible and should not be trusted; duly noted.

As I said earlier, I wear contacts.  People who wear contacts often have the same series of complaints:
1.  They are expensive.
2.  They are a pain to put in and take out.
3.  They have to constantly be cleaned and disinfected.
4.  They cannot be worn overnight.

I don’t have those complaints.  My health insurance covers most of the costs associated with my contacts.  Also, I rarely take mine out – so I seldom experience any of the inconveniences associated with complaints 2, 3, and 4.  When an eye starts to bother me, every couple of weeks, I disinfect the contacts overnight and put them back in.  Sure, once in a while, the contacts tear; but they are disposables and are only supposed to last two weeks.  Mine last far longer because I am not “messing with them” every day.  Unless I lose one or swim in a lake, each set lasts approximately 5 weeks.   That means I use fewer than half of what they “recommend” and I use far, far less solution, etc.   Winning!

Now that I have shared my little secret on how to avoid LASIK – perhaps everyone should give it a try.  Just be very non-hygienic with your contact lenses.  Sure, you are risking gross oozing infections and permanent blindness – but you know what they say, bigger the risk, the bigger the reward!

PERSONAL NOTE:  Have fun on your trip to Cali!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  You should have married me when you had the chance.  Our divorce would have been a lot less stressful and expensive.  Here’s to a friendship that has endured through three and a half decades of your shenanigans!   

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.