current state of mind: distracted
So come and turn me on, baby, be my Marlon Brando
Take a good snapshot, get me from my better angle
‘Cause I like it hot; and you know I love a scandal
Tell me what you’re, what you’re waiting for
~ ‘Touch Me’ by Katharine McPhee and One Republic
I wear contacts. Lots of people tell me I need to get LASIK. I am not a viable LASIK candidate. Thanks to some little Tortfeaser Toddler (TT), my eye sustained serious trauma when I was 4. I am pretty sure the Statute of Limitations has long passed – so no matter. “Hey, Jilly . . .” then a spork in the eye. Yes, I did say “spork”. TT could have worn the moniker “Robin of the Hood” with pride because he hit a fricking bull’s-eye with that spork. Running across my left cornea is a perfect scar line. It is that scar which scares the begeezus out of ophthalmologists who have to weigh the money they could earn against the medical malpractice and negligence lawsuit I could file when the LASIK causes additional damage to my cornea because the scar tissue is “uncooperative”. In fact, I even had one ophthalmologist say that any surgeon who would be willing to try LASIK on that eye is irresponsible and should not be trusted; duly noted.
As I said earlier, I wear contacts. People who wear contacts often have the same series of complaints:
1. They are expensive.
2. They are a pain to put in and take out.
3. They have to constantly be cleaned and disinfected.
4. They cannot be worn overnight.
I don’t have those complaints. My health insurance covers most of the costs associated with my contacts. Also, I rarely take mine out – so I seldom experience any of the inconveniences associated with complaints 2, 3, and 4. When an eye starts to bother me, every couple of weeks, I disinfect the contacts overnight and put them back in. Sure, once in a while, the contacts tear; but they are disposables and are only supposed to last two weeks. Mine last far longer because I am not “messing with them” every day. Unless I lose one or swim in a lake, each set lasts approximately 5 weeks. That means I use fewer than half of what they “recommend” and I use far, far less solution, etc. Winning!
Now that I have shared my little secret on how to avoid LASIK – perhaps everyone should give it a try. Just be very non-hygienic with your contact lenses. Sure, you are risking gross oozing infections and permanent blindness – but you know what they say, bigger the risk, the bigger the reward!
PERSONAL NOTE: Have fun on your trip to Cali!
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: You should have married me when you had the chance. Our divorce would have been a lot less stressful and expensive. Here’s to a friendship that has endured through three and a half decades of your shenanigans!