Someone is a Tortsneezer

current state of mind: sleep-deprived

All of these words whispered in my ear

Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear

Just 'cause I said it, it don't mean that I meant it

People say crazy things

~ “Rumour Has It” by Adele

I have a bestie in Tejas who has the cutest sneeze in the world.  When she sneezes it is this cute, petite, high-pitched, but very quiet “choo”.  She reminds me of those cute girls in high school who did everything looking and sounding perfect.  She clearly has been given a gift. 

Me, on the other hand, sneeze ridiculously loud and always say “ ‘scuse me” automatically after, without thought.  Last night in Torts I must have sneezed half a dozen times, interrupting the lecture and causing several people to say “Bless You”.  My instructor even said, “You must be allergic to Torts” which made everyone laugh, except me who happens to like Torts and don’t believe the threat of anaphylactic shock is a funny topic.  That second part was just for dramatic effect. 

With the amazing warm weather, allergy season is in full swing and I only remember to take my Alavert every couple of days.  In fact, last night I swore I would take it and forgot.  Clearly my brain is addled from lack of sleep.   Oh well.  Insomnia and sleep deprivation are nothing new to my “life experience”.  I’ll get some sleep this weekend.  I am sure of it.  Woot for that!

PERSONAL NOTE:  I look back on the day we bought the peacock necklace and miss you so much!  Hope your tummy feels okay today.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  Just for you . . .  Ego sum rex Romanus et supra grammaticam.  (hee hee)

Do Not Be a Tortfeasor – Seriously, Don’t

current state of mind: frazzled

I woke up to a new day; every little thing gonna go my way

I woke up to a perfect thought; every little thing in a perfect spot

Now I’m gonna use my own voice; I’m gonna sing the song of my choice

I woke up to a light bulb on; every little thing is possible now

~ “Bright Idea” by Mother Mother

I live to learn.  As long as the instructor can teach me something, I am generally game for learning; even when the content is less than exciting.  My love for learning is off the charts, however, when I have interest in the content AND my instructor can teach me something.  Currently, I am prepping for my first Torts exam of the term.  I am NOT ready, by any stretch of the imagination.  Yes, I have done my reading and taken notes; however, due to a work obligation I missed 4 hours of lecture, last week, which covered a majority of what will be on this essay exam.  The nice thing is, once I turn the exam in, I can stop worrying because it is out of my control. 

Note:  I will primarily be letting go of the worry because I have a presentation to prepare for my Employment Law class on Wednesday.  Of course, I have procrastinated on the presentation – because that is what I do when I have an upcoming exam. 

Unfortunately, due to the nerves of not feeling prepared for the exam, I cannot eat anything.  Even the thought of a soda cracker makes my tummy clench up and want to revolt in protest.  I remember when I was terrified of thunderstorms (I know many of you remember as well, since I carried that ridiculously loud weather radio with me everywhere) and for almost 3 months, the only foods I could keep down if there was a cloud in the sky were chocolate pudding and saltines.  And while I enjoyed the weight loss that accompanied this restrictive diet, I did not enjoy feeling sick all the time.  Luckily, I still love chocolate pudding cups and could probably eat them every day if I permitted myself to buy them. 

Where is this going?  One sec.  Let me gather my thoughts.  I am slightly distracted at the moment and really am not even sure what I was going to write about in the first place . . . *breathe* . . .  okay, skip the pudding talk and move back to Torts and learning.   In the first lecture, our instructor told us that our book was really dry and that we’d just have to push through it.  I disagree.  I LOVE reading about Intentional Torts and Privileges and Defenses.  Anyone who claims that Prosser is not an exciting guy should be flogged in a public venue for their idiocy.  Just sayin’!

Why is it, however, that I can love this material and still feel so unprepared for the essay exam?  It’s because I strive for perfection.  My motto used to be:  “Anything less than perfection is failure and failure is not an option.”  I want to keep my 4.0.  I want to write the best essay in the class and kill the curve (if there is one).  I am THAT girl! 

PERSONAL NOTE:  I love you, girlfriend.  I will never waver in my respect and affection for you.  His actions are not a reflection on you – they are a reflection on him.  And an ugly one at that!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  Looking forward to the multi-tasking experiment.  Game on!

Liberating Serendipity

current state of mind: thoughtful

Is it all in my head?

Is it all in my head?

Could everything be so right

Without me knowing?

~ ‘All in my Head’ by Shawn Mullins

I hate to sleep alone.  When I was younger, I despised sharing a room with a sibling; but I loved sleeping with them.  There is nothing that compares to cuddling up with a loved one until you fall asleep.  Being the oldest of 6 kids, I could pretty much always find someone who wanted to sleep in big sister’s room.  For as far back as I can remember, I have slept with a stuffed animal in my bed.  Between the ages of 8 and 22, I slept with a stuffed panda named Balthazar.  He is one of those animal pack-packs that can be unzipped and stuffed with pajamas for a sleepover.  My mom removed the shoulder straps so I wouldn’t strangle myself in the middle of the night. 

When I was married to husband #1, he wasn’t overly fond of having a large panda bear in bed with us.  So, he was replaced with a very small stuffed goose that could be stored in my pillow case and clutched in the middle of the night during a nightmare.  After my 2nd wedding, I had a build-a-bear named Brian Boru that sat on the nightstand next to the bed.  And the aforementioned goose was replaced by a gift from husband #2 –  a small stuffed lamb which I named “Lambie”  -- that is until one morning when GirlTwin came running down the stairs with a very important message.  She was out of breath and rather worked up.  “The new kitty and Lambie got into a fight.  Kitty won.”  Then she brought us to the carnage site; dear, sweet Lambie was lying there sans her left leg.  The missing leg was approximately a foot away, under the paw of a very possessive Princess Grace.  GirlTwin was very stern and began a lecture in the direction of the feline assassin.  “Bad kitty!  Lambie isn’t yours.  She belongs to Juwian (phonetic spelling based on her pronunciation).”  We recovered the leg and sewed it back on; but Lambie was relegated to a high shelf so that further damage could not be done. 

Now a small Cheshire Cat resides on my bed.  He spends his days sleeping in Elizabeth’s doggie bed, which has a permanent home on my bed.  Balthazar, Brian Boru, the goose, and Lambie are in a Rubbermaid tote box with their other stuffed friends – Kyle, Queen Eleanor, Christopher Marlowe, Plucky, and many others.  While a majority of my stuffed friends have been gifted to loving children, I have found that there are some with whom I am not ready to part.  So, when I wake up in the middle of the night and reach for a companion to chase away my fear of the dark, I can be confident that I have a contingency army in place until I have a life partner who wants the job.

PERSONAL NOTE:  Please accept my condolences on the loss of your PawPaw. 

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  Liberating, indeed. Thank you.

        

May the Odds Be Ever In Your Favour

current state of mind: fragile

You’ve got such a pretty smile

It’s a shame the things you hide behind it

Let’em go, give it up for a while

Let’em free, and we’ll both go find it

~ “I Know” by Jude

WARNING:  Today's post contains the ramblings of a sleep-deprived individual. 

I am not a sharer.  I tend to play my cards close to the vest.  I don’t grant sneak peeks to those around me and I make no secret of this fact.  It takes effort on my part to reveal what is behind the layers.  This is a trait I value in myself and while some may not understand it, there is something to be said about relationships that form through these obstacles.  I know people who are quick to share confidences and quick to form lasting friendships.  While I sometimes view these people with admiration, I wouldn’t trade places with them. 

The close friendships I have took a lot of work on my part – and that brings me comfort.  Easy emotional intimacy is disconcerting to me.  Like a pie crust promise, easily made, easily broken.  Once a bond has been created between me and another person, it remains despite geographical or temporal distance.  I put forth a lot of effort to forge these connections.  I am only an “ice queen” to those who are not a part of my inner circle. 

I look back on the initial meetings I had with my now-married DBFF.  Our paths crossed several times and she would tell you that her initial impression of me was that I was reserved (to put it nicely), impersonal, and not someone she could imagine ever being anything more than a casual acquaintance.    While she did not think I was rude, she would describe me as “distant”.  This is the same woman who accompanied me to my divorce hearing, cradled my head when I sobbed, and kept me from making Grey Goose-influenced decisions, over the course of one summer.  I don’t think that either of us can imagine a life without the other being a part of it.  I use her as an example because we have had discussions about this very topic.  In her mind, I am two very different people, depending on what side of my walls someone is. 

On the other hand, these same people know when I close them off.  I can be just as nice and friendly as usual; but, if I am emotionally disconnected, they feel it.  And it is hurtful.  I have been called-out on this withdrawal and told that it is worse than being the recipient of my anger because it feels like utter indifference.   Apathy is an emotion most people don’t think about; but secretly dread.  If someone is angry or hateful towards you, there is still emotion and passion and hope.  But, indifference, damn, indifference is real pain.  It means that your existence is inconsequential to another person at that moment.  They don’t wish you harm or happiness, because they don’t care. 

Knowing this, I believe that I am rarely truly indifferent to anyone.  Granted, I can emotionally disconnect from those people for the sake of self-preservation; but it is a conscious choice to disconnect.  It is not out of true apathy.  I have to compartmentalize and move them to a far off place in my mind, where they no longer have an effect on me.  The only issue I have with this technique is that once they are put there, I have not discovered a way to bring them back.  Like Mr. Darcy says in Pride and Prejudice, “Maybe it's that I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, or their offenses against me. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.”  Unlike Mr. Darcy, I can readily forgive – but, I am generally unable to undo the severance which took place before the forgiveness kicked in. 

What brought all of this on, you wonder?  Hunger Games did.  While the movie last night was good, the book portrays Katniss Everdeen in a way with which I could clearly identify.  I guess that is my point for this long ramble. 

PUBLIC NOTE:  My apologies for a lack of funny or clever or entertainment today! 

PRIVATE NOTE:  Congrats on the baby girl! 

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  Ut iniuria arbitrium nullam paenitenda.

Brush and Floss Every Day

current state of mind: “mean reds”

Holly Golightly:    You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak:    The mean reds. You mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly:    No. The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

~ “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Truman Capote

When Girl Twin was six years old, she pulled me aside and said, “I believe when you die that you really just turn into someone new and start all over again.”  I remember being astounded at this insightful philosophy from a six year old girl who was raised with very little religion.  I smiled at her and said, “Then you believe in reincarnation.  People who believe in reincarnation believe that when a person dies, they are born again as someone or something else.”  After scrunching her face up, deep in thought for a moment, she looked up at me and nodded in understanding.  “Okay, then I believe in reincarnation.”  Then she stood up and ran off to play with her brother.  She never mentioned the topic again.  Eight years later, I wonder if she still believes in reincarnation.  I could ask her; but a part of me wants to hold on to that conversation and a child’s innocent assessment of the meaning in our lives. 

Recently a friend brought up the fact that she had a dream that in a former life I was a queen who suffered the not-so-fun ending via decapitation.  That does limit whom I may have been in a past life:

• Anne Boleyn (supposed withcraft, incest, and adultery)
• Katheryn Howard (adultery)
• Mary Queen of Scots (treason, possible murder plot)
• Lady Jane Grey (treason)
• Marie Antoinette (being wealthy)

Now if we look at recorded noble women who were beheaded, the list gets longer:

• Margaret, Countess of Salisbury (treason)
• Jane, Viscountess  Rochford (treason)
• Beatrice Cenci (murder)
• Lady Alice Lisle (treason)
• Marie-Madeleine-Marguérite d’Aubray, marquise de Brinvilliers (poisoning and murder plot)
• St. Catherine (I don’t think saints come back)
• Charlotte Corday (murder and treason)

I would be content having once been one of those women, if for no other reason than they had pretty comfortable lives and wore some beautiful clothing.  Overall, however, I am hopeful that I do not get to re-live the end through past-life transgression therapy or hypnosis.  My desire to attend renaissance faires and eat huge turkey legs does give some indication that I was once nobility; but I don’t suffer any  unreasonable fear of sharp blades or guillotines.  So, perhaps my friend’s dream was less prophetic and more creepy.  LOL  I suppose time will tell – wait, time already did tell.  Oh, the paradox . . .

PERSONAL NOTE:  Looking forward to Saturday.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  Not sure how much longer . . . if only . . .

A record, record, record

current state of mind: a little grateful

Lie down on the couch, what does that mean?

You’re a nut! You’re crazy in the coconut!

What does that mean? That boy needs therapy

I’m gonna kill you, that boy needs therapy

~ “Frontier Psychiatrist” by The Avalanches

I was recently asked if there is a past boyfriend whom I would welcome back into my life with open arms, if the situation presented itself.  That question is a difficult one, as time changes all of us and the person we once knew and loved may be completely different now.  I know I have changed – so I can only assume that “going back” really isn’t possible, even if we wanted it to be.  The question did make me realize, however, that I owe a lot to those past loves, because their influences have made me who I am today.  I decided to write a letter showing my gratitude.  Here goes . . . 

Dear Past Loves,
 It is high time I showed you a little appreciation for all that you have done for me.  You made the adage ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ into a reality for me.  Our parting showed me that I am definitely stronger than I ever give myself credit for.  I am also far more vulnerable and open to feelings because of you.  My love for you proved that I am not an ice queen, untouched by emotions.

I have been exposed to music and art and books that I never would have found without your input.  I have walked along the streets of cities near and far, holding your hand, mourning your loss, or celebrating the joy we were able to find for a little while; cities like Galway, Boston, Detroit, Belfast, Denver, Cleveland, New York City, San Francisco, San Diego, Phoenix, Aberdeen, Las Vegas, Bloomington, Fort Worth, St. Joseph, Toronto, Dallas, Omaha, Branson, Kansas City, Winnipeg, and many, many others.  I have stories to tell – stories about you and us and me.

I learned to appreciate sports, statistics, law, even my taxes, all thanks to you!  I have spent time in the wilderness, learning how to build a fire, clean a fish, and make s’mores.  I have scars, both emotional and physical, from experiences we had.  You inspire me to write poetry and short stories and declarations of my adoration.  You remind me that I am beautiful and lovable.  Because of you, I can clearly identify many of my flaws and I have found ways to compensate for my weaknesses, as well as forgive myself.

I trust in faith and love due to what we shared.  I cry at movies when loved ones are parted because our parting enabled me to feel that emotional intensity at one time or another.  I am healthier than I used to be and friendlier.  I don’t settle for what I don’t want, because I know what I have to have in a relationship.  You showed me what lines and expectations I need to establish right up front.   

Sometimes, I think about you as I look at my “acquired” t-shirt collection.  I hold the fabric close and relive a joyful memory that we share.  Other times, I shake my head and smile to myself when I think about how our misunderstandings made me into who I am today.  You have a permanent place in my heart.  This I can promise you with no reservation.  If you see me on the street or on a social networking site, don’t be afraid to reach out and connect.  I hold no ill feelings toward you.  You did what you had to do, as did I, and we are better people (I hope) because of those mistakes.

My highest hope is that you look back on our time together with a soft smile and an open heart, as I do.

Thank you for being the perfect you.
 xo, ~j

PERSONAL NOTE:  My heart goes out to you and your family on someone’s recent move to hospice.  Trust in your faith to get you through this trying time.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  You are an amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman who has taught me so much about friendship and love.  You and the girls mean the world to me.  Keep holding on.  

He said Taxes Not Texas

current state of mind:  tentative

Build us a new perpetuity

Tell us we've nothing to fear from ourselves

Now that we're painted so colourfully

We'll be replaced by someone somewhere soon

~ “Shiny Things” by Fanfarlo

Daylight Savings Time has officially kicked my a$$.  I cannot get up in the morning; nor can I fall asleep at night.  I look around me during the day and I see the other walking zombies who are also battling the change in biorhythms due to a mere one hour difference.  Hopefully next week, everyone will be back to normal – because I have noticed that many people are wearing their “crabby pants” this week. 

In other news, Jupiter and Venus appeared close enough to almost kiss in the night sky on Tuesday.  Now, they will slowly move apart again, which means that if you have not gone outside and looked into the western sky at the stunning display, you need to before it’s too late.  The next amazing astronomical event to watch for will be June 5^th, when Venus will be in between us and the Sun, resulting in a black dot on the sun, during the day.  Now, we are not supposed to stare directly into the sun – so, You may want to just look at a photograph of the event, as I am sure there will be plenty online, since this event only happens about once a century.  Or, you could just sneak a glance – but again, I recommend for your eyesight that you refrain from doing so.    

Based on a referral from k-Shrub, I read Hunger Games.  I couldn’t put it down and read the entire novel in one evening.  If you haven’t read it, you should.  It is an easy read, as it is young adult fiction.  The story is well-written and the characters have a depth not usually found in young adult fiction.  I will begin the second book in the series as soon as I finish my Torts reading for the week.  I find that putting school reading ahead of pleasure reading actually means I get all my reading done.  Plus, I am really digging my Torts class and actually enjoy reading the content. 

I have been drinking a lot more water lately thanks to MetroMint Chocolate Mint flavored water.  It is a refreshing beverage that contains nothing artificial, no sweeteners, and no calories.  It is just purified water with enough mint and cocoa essence to make your taste buds happy that you’re alive when you drink it.  woot woot!

I have to remember to go to the dry cleaner today after work.  I have some clothes that need to be cleaned and I have just been letting them sit in a dry cleaning bag, waiting to be taken somewhere so they can be worn again. 

That is all!

PERSONAL NOTE:  Looking forward to your next secret rendezvous.    

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  So very happy that you are not suffering today!

No More Crabby Pincers

current state of mind: congested

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown.

So why am I ten feet under and upside down?

Barely surviving has become my purpose,

Cause I’m so used to living underneath the surface

~ “Storm” by Lifehouse

Strange things are afoot on the planet Earth.  For reasons I cannot discern, the weather is unusually warm and the sunshine is finally permeating my psyche.  This reprieve from winter grey has me almost giddy when I look out the window.  Even Elizabeth has nothing to complain about.  I hope this is an indication of how amazing our Spring is going to be.  *fingers crossed*

PUBLIC SHOUT-OUT #1:   Congratulations to a beautiful and remarkable 14 year old ‘Girl Twin’ who made the 9^th grade cheer squad!!  I am so proud of you. 

PUBLIC SHOUT-OUT #2:   Way to go to the new Little Miss Arizona, United States pageant winner! 

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  When you feel lost or lonely, look at Venus and Jupiter in the western sky and know that I am looking at them too, bringing me ever closer to you.

A Doctor Seuss Rough Sketch

current state of mind: amused

And I got no idea where we’re going with this, no

I don’t know where we’re gonna land

And it might go better if we do it by the letter

So I need to know where I stand

~ “I Need to Know Where I Stand” by Rhett Miller

I really like Patton Oswalt.  I find him remarkably entertaining and insightful.  He also shouldn’t be heard by children under the age of 18.  I feel the same about this blog post.  Those under 18, stop reading now . . .  This blog post was inspired by a conversation I had with someone recently.  They suggested I blog it . . . so I am!

WTF is up with people who want to wear socks to bed?  By “to bed” I mean “while having relations in bed”.  People who wear socks during sex freak me out.  I don’t care how rushed or excited you are. . . there is no reason that you cannot kick those socks off before you begin doing the deed.  Now, do not confuse thigh high stockings and garters with socks.  Thigh high stockings can be pretty sexy and I understand why guys want to see a woman wearing them.  I do not understand why a woman would want to look at her beloved in bed and have him wearing socks; especially if they are wearing white calf length socks.  Good gourd. 

This is a conversation I have had several times in my lifetime, with an assortment of friends, family, and significant others.  I have only found a few people who thought sex in socks is appropriate.  I think those people are in denial.  Serious denial. 

So, if there is any lesson that you can learn today, please have this be it.  Before both feet are off the bedroom floor, kick those socks off. 

PERSONAL NOTE:   “Fear prophets and those prepared to die for the truth, for as a rule they make many others die with them, often before them, at times instead of them.”  ~ Umberto Eco

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  I am happy that you are happy.  Always.

Come Back to Earth

current state of mind: anticipatory

Pain recedes
All things will pass
And this is going to pass, pass
I'm just trying to keep you calm

~ “Hostage” by Jack’s Mannequin

I apologize for the delay.  It’s been a tough week of brain washing.  Hee hee  Saturday, I had the second round interview with the leader of Team 3 at VIVOS.  At 1pm, CT, my phone rang.  When I answered it, a male voice introduced himself, then asked if he could ring me back in an hour for the interview.  I was very cooperative and told him that I would be happy to delay the interview by an hour.  Then I watched two episodes of Tosh.0 and kept glancing at my phone in anticipation.  At 2:03pm, CT, my phone rang again; same mysterious number. 

• “Hello.”
• “Good afternoon.  This is Steve.  I am from VIVOS.”
• “Hi, Steve.”  (Steve?  Seriously?  I wanted to call him Team Leader 3 or Captain or something.  But it was just Steve.)
• “We have reviewed your application and feel that you could possibly be a good candidate for membership.  You have a diverse skill set which would definitely be an asset for VIVOS.”
• “I am glad you think so.”
• “We do have some questions, but then I want you to let us know what questions you have.”
• “Sounds good.”  (Damnit!  This is a trick interview.  You want me to ask questions so you can test me for my true interest and intentions.  Bloody hell. )
• “What made you want to join VIVOS?”
• “I believe it is important to be prepared for the inevitable.  The world is a very unstable place right now, and I have no doubt that soon there will be great turmoil which will require a secure and well-thought out contingency plan.  I feel in my heart that VIVOS is THAT plan.”
• “Which shelter have you selected and how many people would you want to bring with you?”
• “I want the Nebraska shelter due to its size and location.  I have need for 4 adults and one child under the age of 5.”
• “Are you familiar with our Indiana shelter?”
• “I know you have one there; but I have not looked into it.”
• “It is online now and ready for move-in, when the need occurs.  When you are ready to commit with your deposit, we will be able to arrange for you to tour that facility until the Nebraska one is ready.”
• “Fantastic.  That would be a wonderful experience.”  (Um, not really.  Cause I want to know where the Nebraska one is.)
• “So, before I ask any more questions, what are your questions?”
• And then the floodgates opened and I began asking a ton of questions.  Here are some answers:    No, the general public will not know where the shelters are located.  No, the media is not permitted to tour or know the location of the facilities.  All of our shelters have FBI, Law Enforcement, U.S. Marshalls, and former military members already committed.  Yes, we have a plan in place in case the U.S. Government attempts to commandeer a shelter.  Yes, we believe the governmental structure we have established with a rotating leadership group will prevent anyone from taking over a shelter.  Yes, we have a plan if people attempt to cause discord within the shelter. Yes, of course it is permitted if you bring your own weapons; but we will have safety guidelines in effect to keep the entire population secure.  No, we are not charlatans who are going to run off with your money.  Yes, I will send you the contract information for review.  No, you cannot see the facility until your deposit is made.  Yes, the deposit is refundable.  After 45 minutes, Steve asked a couple more questions about payment, my commitment level, verified some skills, then made sure I had his number to call him again with questions. 
• “Thank you for your time today.  We will review your application and this interview in depth, then get back to you regarding the status of your membership.  Please feel free to contact me, if you need to do so.”
• “Thanks, Steve.”  (Damn, y’all really are not adequately prepared to prevent me from taking control of this place.  Viva la Vida VIVOS!) 

Now, I am waiting for my approval.  Once that happens, my Machiavellian plan will enter Phase 2. 

PERSONAL NOTE:  Dexter Rocks!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  I love you, both, with all my heart!

Coke Machine is Broken

current state of mind: on edge


I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here
Who was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
~ “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds

I am a big fan of crime shows.  While I do not watch C.S.I., I do watch several others pretty religiously.  I also love suspense thrillers and crime novels.  Those close to me also know that when I get nervous in social situations I tend to bring up serial killer stories.  So, it should come as no surprise when I relay this next story to you that I probably handled it differently than you would have.
I was working at my second job when I noticed that a text message had come in while I was assisting clients.  Once they left, I checked my phone and saw this text from a number not programmed into my phone:

“The body is hidden, please let me know if there is anything else you would like me to take care of. Good Day”

My first reaction was to laugh aloud.  My second reaction was to respond.  So I sent this message back:

“Thank you.  Hope it actually stays hidden this time.”  

Knowing it was a prank, I eagerly awaited a witty response; but none came.  In fact, the silence on the other end of the text message made me respect the prankster more.  Finding the situation very amusing, I told a couple of friends about it and they were not as convinced that engaging with a stranger who talked about hiding a body was as funny as I thought.  Both made references to the possible need to call law enforcement “just in case”.  I felt that was a ridiculous idea and explained my reasoning:

1) No self-respecting killer would actually use the words “the body is hidden” in a text message.  They would say something coded like “the cat litter has been flushed”.
2)  People who are dumb enough to mention hiding bodies would not use the closing phrase “Good day.”

But, both friends still voiced some concerns, including the fact that maybe the message was sent to my phone by mistake and that the possibility exists that a body may have been hidden and now I have alerted them to my presence by responding.  Again, I used logic stating that all I did was thank them; so in essence, I gave the sender the impression that he had performed a job well and could go about his day, week, etc. without worry.

Then this point was brought up:  “What if it is a real killer and the phone is found and so is the body and your text message implicates you as an accomplice?”

To this question I laughed and responded that no one would believe I was an accomplice in what could be a botched crime and case of mis-texting.  “Why not?” they asked.  I just shook my head at the ridiculous question, “because anyone who knows me knows that I would hide the body myself and would never ever hire someone to do it for me.  I would be afraid they’d F it up somehow, like perhaps texting me that they had hidden the body.” No one can argue with perfect logic.

Later in the evening I saw my brother and said, “You have to listen to this text message I got.”  He asked if it had to do with hiding a body, because he got one too.  I asked how he reacted when he read it.  He had also responded to the prankster with a “thank you”.  Since we had both received the text, we knew that the only culprit could be our sister, K-Shrub.  So we agreed not to mention it to her, which I knew would force her hand.  Sure enough, the next morning, she asked if I had received any weird text messages lately.  I told her I hadn’t, which prompted a short moment of panic because she was concerned that she had actually misdialed my number and sent the text to the wrong person.  HA!  But then I laughed and she knew that her prank had been successful.

Just another reason why I love having a close-knit family and lots of siblings.  I couldn’t make this stuff up!

PERSONAL NOTE: So glad the kids liked their gifts!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Our song will always bring a smile to my heart and the stars will always shine for you.  “You know I love you so. I swam across, I jumped across for you. Oh what a thing to do.”

 

Fight or Flight?

current state of mind: completely overwhelmed

So how do I get back to the good times?

And how do I see you in a new light?

Because the harder I try,

The less we feel right for each other

~ “Last Breath” by Plain White T’s

It is time to charge my Bluetooth earpiece.  I have scheduled my 45 minute phone interview with Team 3 of the VIVOS Selection Committee.  I am expecting them to ring me on Saturday, March 3,, 2012 – at 1:00pm.  There were a LOT of interview times available making me think that perhaps I am not in as exclusive of a group as I had imagined; or maybe so few people are selected that their availability is reflecting that fact. 

I am really nervous about this stage of the process.  In fact, I am going to be completely candid and share the fact that I am more nervous about this interview than I am about the catastrophic event which may have me living underground with the wonderful people of VIVOS.  Here are a few of my concerns: 

1. What if I forget all the cool skills that I put down on my original application?
2. How can I sell myself without seeming too arrogant?
3. What if they realize that I intend on using Machiavelli’s ‘The Prince’ as my guide for taking over the Nebraska VIVOS shelter?
4. Do I tell them about Elizabeth and her “bean bag” problem, or should I just pretend she is completely housebroken?
5. Do I ask about the quality of brightly colored clothing they are providing?  I mean, I want to make sure that the fabric won’t chafe; but I don’t want to sound ungrateful for this generous donation. 

I need to find the balance between survivor, mild mannered citizen, and despot.  That is a really hard balance to project for 45 minutes over the phone to a group of people who believe the world is going to end soon.  All suggestions are welcome and can be emailed to me before Saturday afternoon. 

Something else I wanted to share is that the other day, my Confidential Note at the bottom of a post had quite a few people worried.  I received a dozen or so messages from people asking me if the note was directed to them.  My response to that is if you are worried enough to ask me, perhaps you need to adjust your behavior, regardless for whom the note was intended.  Just sayin’! 

That is all.  Carry on.

PERSONAL NOTE: Hope today is a vomit-free day for you.  Try Ginger Chews (the ‘candy’; not red-headed, non-Gentiles).

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: ‘You’re beautiful. It’s true.  I saw your face in a crowded place.  And I don’t know what to do.’