16 October 2012

Scars to Prove It

current state of mind: nostalgic

Remarkable as it seems
Turns out the night was much shorter
Than you wanted to believe
But we're only in Dakota
~ “Dots on Maps” by Say Hi

I know that I have been remiss about writing. If it is any consolation, I have also not been tweeting for @HistoryinaFlash. School, the Opera Guild, and work have kept me rather busy. Plus “My Dragonfly” is so darn cute that any spare time I have had is spent messaging K-Shrub for updates. At least it seems that way. Seriously, the little guy is so perfect. I don’t know that there is a baby in existence who could steal my heart the way this one has; absolutely enchanting. In less than a week I will be driving to Texas to see the twins (and everyone else). I am looking forward to the trip and am hopeful that the weather stays cooperative for driving.

I was asked the other day why I ever started blogging in the first place. I gave the inquisitor a pat answer along the lines of “I have always kept a journal; so this seemed the next logical step.” He was satisfied with my response and I was able to move on with my day. The thing is, that isn’t why I started blogging. I mean it is; kind of. I have (inconsistently) written in a journal for most of my life. When I was very young, I kept hidden diaries that have long been discarded along with my childhood. My teen years were  better documented through consistent entries and story writing. When I was married, it changed.  My first husband explained to me that secrets were not supposed to be kept – so I allowed him to read my journal – though it was filtered and eventually, I stopped writing in it altogether due to the lack of a private venue where I could share my thoughts.

Near the end of my first marriage, I found myself journaling in secret. Sorting these thoughts helped me make a lot of decisions without being forced to ask for advice from others. I had never been one to allow myself the level of emotional vulnerability which accompanies sharing my innermost thoughts with another person. My second marriage brought with it its own circumstances which eliminated any opportunity to journal with an expectation of privacy.

I didn’t write for a couple of years. Any personal feelings I did write down were thrown away or recycled. Then, K-shrub introduced me to MySpace. Y’all can laugh; but MySpace introduced me to the blogging community. So I joined a blogging group – similar to a writers’ circle where a group of writers get together and write about similar topics. I suppose I should have titled this post “Confessions of a Top Ten MySpace Blogger”. In that group, I was once again able to find my voice. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I adopted the use of nicknames and pseudonyms to write about my life with a veil of anonymity. I developed a new writing style which was entertaining, informative, and cathartic. It was in that blogging group that someone first referred to me as “girl genius”. The name stuck.

I miss those days. I miss the accountability which comes with being part of a group. While I am not going to fight the losing battle of “Mass Exodus from Facebook to MySpace”, I wish that we could move back to a social networking site which wasn’t in it for the advertisers. I am nostalgic for a site designed for the convenience, customization, and well-being of the user. Now that I have my own URL, I don’t need a social networking site to host my ramblings. I also don’t need a list of rankings based on readership. I do, however, have a need to be a better writer and I cannot do it on my own.

I want my writers’ circle back. I want the challenge and sense of discovery which accompanies writing as a group. Before I approach the idea of forming something permanent, I’d really just like to do a “workshop” over the course of 7 days. Perhaps it will help me find my muse again. I hope you’ll consider taking part.

I am inviting anyone who would be interested to send an email to: jct7779@geniusinwonderland.com Dates and more information will be sent to interested peeps!

PERSONAL NOTE: You’re sexy and you know it!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Why do we not say aloud what we already know goes unsaid?  

02 October 2012

I’ve Got the Gift of One Liners

current state of mind: preoccupied

If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free
~ “Living in the Moment” by Jason Mraz

I have been sleeping with more consistency. Granted, I am still tired all of the time; but, I believe we are finally beginning to win the war against insomnia. The meds I am taking to combat the daytime sleepiness are helping considerably, if for no other reason than the crash from them makes me extremely tired by early evening. Early evening tiredness means that I can generally fall asleep before midnight. As many of you know this is a huge improvement from 2008 when I was going 24+ hours between sleep sessions.

Recently I made a very big mistake. Unfortunately, it is one that cannot be remedied because the damage has already been done. I gave K-Shrub access to my Rhapsody account. She and “Little Dragonfly” took it upon themselves to make me a “Muuuuuyyyyyyy Triste” playlist. Granted, I should have known better than to trust her when she titled it in Spanish, making a reference to our “Sooooooo Sad” game.  I agreed not to look at the playlist songs and just hit ‘Play’. Holy Moly!

I give her props for bringing me “way up” before sending me plummeting through the basement floor of emotional despair. The following facts should be noted before I share the entire playlist with y’all:
  • The Canadian band, Moxy Fruvous, is my automatic “go-to” when I need a pick-me-up
  • When the Bodyguard came out on VHS, I bought it and watched it over and over, sobbing every time.
  • Britney Spears is my girl crush and always gives me a sense of empowerment when I listen to her.
  • The theme song from Titanic, “My Heart Will Go On” makes me cry, even when I am in a good mood. I cannot even watch the trailer for "Titanic".
  • My favourite album of all time is Blues Traveler’s FOUR.
Without further ado, here is evidence of the method behind K-Shrub's evilness: 
  1. King of Spain by Moxy Fruvous
  2. Stay by Sugarland
  3. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
  4. You Were Mine by Dixie Chicks
  5. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
  6. Smile by Barbra Streisand
  7. Run-Around by Blues Traveler
  8. Starts With Goodbye by Carrie Underwood
  9. Womanizer by Britney Spears 

Truly, I think the only thing she could have done to jack any more with my emotions would have been to include “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” by Bryan Adams from ‘Robin Hood Prince of Thieves’. Though I suppose two Kevin Costner movie references would have been too many.  I triple dog double dare any of you to listen to these songs in this order and not feel like someone just threw you head first into one of those Sour Patch Kids commercials. Curses, K-Shrub, curses!

PERSONAL NOTE: Three days until the opera! Woot!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  I suppose you are correct in your assessment of the situation. I don’t care. I know what is best!

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.