27 February 2009

Centered and Underlined

Current Mood: sleepy

And how much longer
Will this keep getting stronger?
I wonder what she’s doing
When I’m singing myself to sleep?
~ “Definitely, Maybe” by FM Static

I have been living in the present for 2 months now. It’s the only New Years Resolution that I have kept. I have tripped and stumbled along the way; but overall, I have stayed present. I worry less and accomplish more. My procrastination tendencies have improved slightly – though I can do better. I have direction, which is something I hadn’t seen much of in 2008. I am definitely more centered.

While there are many people for whom I am grateful, there is one in particular who has spent 2009 inspiring me to be a better person. Thank you, so very much for making me take chances where I wouldn’t have before and for encouraging me to move forward with less caution and more zest.

26 February 2009

Invasion of the Body Snatcher

Current mood: exhausted and achy

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
~ “One Year, Six Months” by Yellowcard

Remember a few weeks ago when I was complaining that I cannot seem to fall asleep? Problem solved!!! I now cannot seem to stay awake. It appears, thanks to a little virus commonly known as “Mono”, I am getting a ton of sleep now. In fact, yesterday I left work early, went home, took a quick shower, and then lay down to take a nap. I was asleep by 5pm. Besides waking up from a bad dream at midnight, I slept through my alarm clock and regained consciousness at 8:30am. 15 hours of sleep later, I was still tired beyond reason; but, I had a meeting at work and had to come into the office. I was late for the meeting – but got through it.

I am working on two important projects; however, the only thing I can really focus on is keeping my eyes open. I attempted a conversation, via IM, with someone and, as usual, made a complete eejit of myself. In fact, I think he may think I am a stalker. The only redeeming aspect is he is kind about my completely random contact attempts, which makes me feel slightly less of a loser. Bloody Hell. I really think I need to stop trying to perpetuate that friendship. I don’t know what my issue is with that one. It’s not romantic. I assure you of that. Well, let’s just hope I come across as cute and quirky – not desperate and stalkerish. I am being optimistic!

One nice thing about mono, I have found, is that I have very little appetite. Today, I have eaten a piece of jelly toast and half a cup of soup. (Oh and a couple Girl Scout cookies). Still, not much of an appetite. I had to force the soup down. I am drinking plenty of fluids. I have not had soda for 2 days. -- only water/crystal light for me. Perhaps mono is better than the tapeworm diet.

“Tapeworm diet?” you wonder. Well, if you believe everything on the interwebs (which I do) for a mere $1,299.00 USD, anyone can purchase a beef tapeworm to accelerate weight loss. Alas, nothing comes without risks. Therefore, I want to show you the possible side effects before you jump right up and order yourself a couple of tapeworms:

Side Effects and Warnings for Beef Tapeworm

Most individuals are either asymptomatic or have mild-to-moderate
complaints. Common symptoms include loss of appetite or feeling of fullness,
increased appetite, abdominal pain, weakness, headache, nausea, constipation,
diarrhea, vomiting and spontaneous emergence of proglottids from the anal
sphincter. A mild eosinophilia of 5-15% may occur. There are rare reports of
intestinal perforation in T. saginata infection. People with severely weakened
immune systems (due to disease or drugs like cancer chemotherapy and organ
transplant immunosuppressants) may develop serious infections or bacteria in the
blood from taking T. saginata. Therefore, T. saginata should be avoided in such
individuals. People with intestinal damage or recent bowel surgery should avoid
taking T. saginata. When T. saginata becomes sexually mature the gravid
proglottids will break off and migrate out the digestive tract. These
proglottids are motile and can lodge in the common bile duct, pancreatic duct or
the appendix. Blockage of any can result in intense abdominal pain and is life
threatening. Intestinal obstruction is a rare complication. There is a report of
T. saginata and a case of reactive arthritis that resolved with treatment.

There is not enough scientific study available to establish safety
during pregnancy. Therefore, pregnant women should not use T. saginata. T.
saginata should not be used during breastfeeding, due to possible risks to the
mother and child.

The thought of anything becoming sexually mature and active while inside me is enough to turn me off this little diet plan. Looks like Mono wins!! Maybe someday I will try the eat less and exercise more diet. But I haven’t read anywhere online where that actually works . . . so. . . I am skeptic!

20 February 2009

Holy Moly

Current Mood: addicted

I want you to slap me and call me naughty
Put a beltsander against my skin
I want to feel pain all over my body
Can't wait to be punished for my sins.
~ “Dominated Love Slave” by Green Day

Grrrrrr. This morning, a coworker said, “Those are some sexy jeans.” I stared blankly at them, wondering why my favorite pair of jeans, which I wear all the time, would be considered ‘sexy’. Then she pointed to the back pocket and said, ‘Um, you have a hole on the pocket seam.’ BLOODY HELL! Let me reiterate, I wear these jeans ALL THE TIME! I have no idea how long the hole has been there. All I know is that as the day has progressed, the hole has expanded. The jeans fit me loosely, so I don’t think it’s my big a$$ that is tearing them. Though I guess it’s possible. Normally, I would just laugh it off and not worry about the hole; however, tonight I have plans RIGHT AFTER work, not giving me time to go home and change my clothes. I cannot walk around the bar with my jacket tied around my waist. Now I have to drive to Old Navy after work and buy another pair of jeans. At least it’s payday.

On other fronts, a friend introduced me to a new song on YouTube. I love it. You should check it out as well. The embedded link is below. Enjoy!

Next week is Mardi Gras! I wish I were going to New Orleans for the celebration! I was given a trip to New Orleans for Christmas – but haven’t taken advantage of it yet, since I am low on funds AND on free time.

Anyway, that’s all I got folks! I am too sleepy to write more.

PERSONAL NOTE: Congratulations!!! I am so excited to be “Aunt Jillian” to another baby!!!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: I would totally move in, if you asked! Hee hee

18 February 2009

Stupid Guy at the Fax Machine

Current Mood: Nauseated

Whoa-a-whoa here I go
It’s like I’m living for the first time
Whoa-a-whoa here I go
I think it is the first time I felt alive
~ “Here I Go” by Relient K

In late April there is a dinner fundraiser for the Nebraska Humane Society. It is ‘Dining for Dogs’, and one ticket admits a dog and its human for a casual dinner and socializing event. I want Elizabeth to be able to attend. Therefore, I have enrolled her in a 6 week obedience class specifically for Terriers. It is one hour a week, with only 4 dogs in the class. She is going to become a well-behaved angel.

Actually, I am not that delusional. I would, however, like her to be behaved well-enough that she can attend the event without getting either of us escorted out by the authorities. Therefore, we will be attending with optimism. Also, I eventually want her to become a therapy dog for sick kids and/or senior citizens. The only way she can become eligible for therapy classes is if she has basic obedience skills. And any dog who is as affectionate as she is should definitely have the opportunity to share some of her love with those who need it.

I must start somewhere with her. As it is, she is progressively becoming less obedient with each passing day. I blame the riff-raff she hangs out with all day. To be fair, Sleepy and Romeo are actually pretty obedient dogs – even if they don’t know any tricks – but I will place the blame of her behavior on someone besides myself.

Oh, and before I forget: when I started writing this, there was a stupid guy at the fax machine. He is gone now.

PERSONAL NOTE: Thanks for calling last night! It was nice to hear your voice.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Are you ‘just not that into me’? LOL hee hee

11 February 2009

My Brush with Canadian Greatness‏

Current Mood: Amused

Bring me back in shackles,
hang me long out in the sun,
exonerate me, forget about me
I recommend measures for ending it.
~ “Fully Completely” by the Tragically Hip

I kind of know a guy who’s in a band, and he inspired me to write this blog today. It’s a story that I have never actually written out, due to the nature of the content AND because Mi Madre still does not know the truth of that night. This is just one example of how I must have a very busy guardian angel – because I have done a LOT of naïve and stupid things throughout the years, and have not ended up in jail, the morgue, or chained up in a basement somewhere. Without further ado, let’s gently roll back time to an era where flannel shirts and Birkenstocks were standard the uniform.

*time machine sounds*

It was March in Omaha, Nebraska. I was 18 years old, home for Spring Break, and very very excited to see a particular band at the Ranch Bowl (a location that has since been replaced by a Super Devil-Mart). It was my favourite music venue in Omaha, due to the size, close access to the stage, and overall sound quality of the room. And, here in this tiny venue, I was going to see the Tragically Hip (and a band called, hHead, which I also liked). The primary reason I was going to the Hip show was because my friend, ‘Winnipeg’, a Canadian, loved them and I was going to try to get their autographs for him. Please keep in mind that this was my objective. It's important to note once we get to the part where I was stupid . . . The show was incredible. They allowed me to take photographs, and I was against the stage, front and center. I took amazing photographs (in black and white, which I developed myself in my college's darkroom). All of the people around me during the show were Canadian, and had driven down in caravans (similar to Phish Phans, I guess) to see their favourite band in a small venue.

Once the show was over, I waited around to achieve my primary objective of getting their autographs. First, I met Noah Mintz, of hHead, and chatted with him a few minutes. Then two random guys walked over and stood near me. It turns out that they, too, wanted to meet the band! There we were, three random strangers, making small talk until a roadie approached us with the question that would alter the direction of my night:

"Hey, do you have anything I can buy off you?"

I am not the first person people generally approach for illegal narcotics, as my experience with them is limited to "um, my friends sometimes do it". Random Guy #1, however, seemed to have an inside connection.

"Sure, but I need to make a phone call."

This is where I speak up:

"Hey, I have a cellular phone you can use." Then I reach in my bag and pull out the brick of a cell phone that Mi Madre made me bring to shows so that I could call her if I had car trouble, etc. Please note that at the time, most people did not carry cell phones and it was not cheap to make calls. I explained how to use the phone and Random Guy #1 dialed a phone number he had obviously used before. After a few short minutes, he handed me the phone and said, "We’re in." We just need to drive over there and pick it up.

Random Guy #2, not wanting to miss out on the adventure said, "I'll drive." So, all of us, including the roadie, pile into a little hatchback and drive. The Roadie promises us free t-shirts for the trouble. When we arrive at our destination, there are two cop cars on the corner, sirens blaring, investigating a stabbing. They wave us by and we enter a building (that now, 14 years later, has been condemned and boarded up). We file up a staircase to the top floor and Random Guy #1 knocks on an apartment door.

"Who is it?" comes a voice through the door.

"'Dealer John' is expecting us. It's 'Random Guy #1'"

We hear two dead bolts and a chain unlatch before the door opens. We walk into a pretty nice loft apartment with wood floors and large windows. The Roadie and Random Guy #1 do some negotiating while I non-chalantly glance around the room. Having dated a drug entrepreneur/user, I knew the cardinal rule of not watching an actual deal/exchange take place. They made a LARGE purchase and while some guy went to get the goods, 'Dealer John' walked over to me and smiled. He had the most intense blue eyes I have ever seen. I was in awe and then could stare no where except for at him. He was serenely beautiful; angelic actually. Our 'connection' was broken when the two random guys and the roadie were ready to go. One of them grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the apartment.

Running now, we jumped back into the car and jetted back to the Ranch Bowl. We parked by the tour bus and the Roadie said the words I had been waiting for:

"Do you want to meet the guys since you're here?"

Random Guy #1, #2, and I followed the Roadie onto the Tragically Hip tour bus, free t-shirts in hand. They were ultra nice and signed a tour poster so that I could send it to my Canadian friend. We all chatted for about 20 minutes, then I saw the time, and realized I needed to go home. One of the guys had a security guard walk me to my car. I drove home, elated that my goal was accomplished.

The next morning, Mi Madre asked me how the show was. I told her it was incredible and said I got to meet the band. She asked for her phone back and I handed it to her. That is when she looks at it and said "did you make a call?" I explained that some guy needed to borrow it for a minute. She presses a button and the number was displayed. She laughed and said eleven prophetic words, "We should call and see if it is a drug dealer." I grabbed the phone, deleted the number and chastised her for being judgmental of people who go to concerts.

As I said before, the truth of that night has never been put into writing until NOW! Please keep my secret. hee hee

PERSONAL NOTE: I like you.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: I love the new ringtone. Thanks!

10 February 2009

Bad Hair Day

Current Mood: Nostalgic

The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
~ “The Night Santa Went Crazy” by Weird Al Yankovic

If you haven’t heard the song, you need to do so. You Tube it or something - it’s damn funny. This past holiday season, my sister, Mi Madre, and I were all in the car and my sis and I told Mi Madre that there was a great Christmas Carol she needed to hear. She loves Christmas time and was excited that we wanted her to hear something new. Imagine her surprise when we played this song for her. It was a funny, yet mean, joke! She was appalled, and my sister and I were giggling like school girls at her reaction.

I love Weird Al music. It never ceases to entertain me.

Grrrr. This is the third blog post I have started today and it is the third blog post where I have run out of inspiration by the end of the first paragraph. The thing is, I don’t want to write about anything novel or clever today. What I really want to do is write about a friend of mine and how he has done so much lately to help me find some direction. The thing is, I want to avoid creating an issue due to public accolades for one friend. Well, that, and I cannot think of a good blog pseudonym for him. I have worked so hard at making sure that no one else refers to him by anything but his name that I have refused to even entertain the idea of a nickname. I can hear the gasps now of those of you who recognize how unusual this is. *hush*

Yesterday I left work early due to illness. I won’t go into details; but I must have a stomach virus. I may actually have the plague. Still, when I arrived home, I changed into a soft, borrowed t-shirt and yoga pants then fell asleep in the fetal position. I awoke 4 hours later to the beep of a text message. Bloody Hell! I still felt like death and knew that I had to cancel my Monday Night plans. I texted how ill I was and explained that our plans would have to be cancelled. He asked if there was anything he could do. I said that I would sure like some apple juice. Somewhere between watching the Westminster Dog Show and Wall-E, I was presented with apple-cherry juice. I love not being disappointed.

Life is Good!

PERSONAL NOTE: Your father is in my prayers. Please let me know how he is doing.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: I liked the mirror.

06 February 2009

You Should Be Green with Envy of My Green Eyes

Current Mood: Angelic

The way your words keep me in line
I know what I'm here for
Waking up to the green of your eyes
It's something I'll get used to, oh!
~ “Hold My Hand” by New Found Glory

I understand that I have a propensity toward dating men younger than me. This has been an issue since middle school and with very few exceptions; I have maintained this habit with care. It is important to note that I do not in any way SEEK out younger men. I can hear your laughter . . . but truly I don’t. In fact, I often go out of my way to clarify the age difference. See the following example:

“Hey there!”
“Hi. How old are you?”
“Um, 23”
“Okay, well, you need to know that I am 32 and that I don’t date under 25”
“You don’t look 32. And anyway I’ve been with someone who is 35”

For some reason they always say that they have been with someone who is 35. As if 35 is the epitome of ‘older women’. What happens when I get to be 35? Will they all decide that they can admit to being with someone who is 39? Anyway, this little background story was written to set the stage for a compliment (he claims it was a compliment) I received recently. Without further ado, here it is:

“I must say though...you are very attractive. And no I'm not trying to get something from you. I just normally don't look at women who aren't around my age...but you are very well kept.”

My instinct was to laugh. Being ‘well kept’ made me think of an old car that someone has stored in the garage under a tarp for years. I assure you, I have not been lying dormant in storage. Hee hee Anyway, doesn’t everyone know that a woman’s sexual peak occurs AFTER she turns 30? My twenties were for practice.

Now it’s GAME TIME! Who wants Season Tickets?

PERSONAL NOTE: The aforementioned season tickets reference was a joke. Really, it was . . .

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Pontiac – check; Mazda – check; Honda – soon, very soon!

05 February 2009

To Infinity and Beyond

Current Mood: a touch of wanderlust

Baby close your eyes, don't open til the morning light
Baby don't forget, we haven't lost it all yet
Don't know what you're made of til the one thing that you want
Is coming with the dawn and suddenly changes
~ “Syndicate” by the Fray

‘Hot Cocoa Dealer’ asked me today where else I plan on visiting this year. Since 2009 began, I have been to Fort Worth, New York City, and Orlando. Plus, a few short layovers in Chicago, Atlanta, and Memphis. If we change the timeline to the past 6 months, I have also spent time in New Orleans, Emporia, Las Vegas, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Kansas City, Cedar Rapids, and San Diego. And before 2010, I know that I will definitely be visiting Fort Worth, Las Vegas, and Chicago. I also have good intentions to visit Indianapolis, New Orleans, San Francisco, Phoenix, and Cleveland.

Luckily for me, most of those places will not require a hotel stay.

Today I tested my magical powers. “What magical powers are those, Girl Genius?” you are all wondering. Many of you have witnessed these powers front row – but were so astounded that you have blocked them from memory. It’s alright. I understand! I, too, am astounded at the effect I have. It works like this:

Girl Genius is to B-Slow what Kryptonite is to Superman!

It’s true, folks! I am able to weaken another human to the point that the mere mention of my name causes him to retreat in fear. LOL In person, he does what he can to ignore my existence. Literally, he will pretend I am not there, talking to him or trying to reach something on the counter behind him. I am not exaggerating.

I sent him a text at Christmas, willing him to ignore me. (Because it amuses me to do so) Not only did he NOT respond; but he actually initiated random texts to my friends and a family member, wishing them Merry Christmas! Really? Really? Yep! By willing him NOT to acknowledge me, B-Slow was forced (by my powers) to deliberately snub me through the acknowledgement of those I know. Hee hee

Today, though, we put the kryptonite theory to the test. He began conversing via IM with a close friend of mine. He hasn’t spoken to this person in months. She was as surprised as I was by his attention. Giggling, I told her, “Tell him I say hello. He’ll stop messaging you immediately.” I am not sure whether or not she believed that I exercised such power . . . but she told him. Immediately, the messages stopped. They were in mid-conversation and by the mere mention of my name – he melted into a pool of useless goo; unable to communicate or scream for help. Poor B-Slow!

Anyway, the loss of his friendship used to bother me deeply. I missed him; but more importantly, I wondered what made him do a 180 degree turn from close friend to arch-nemesis. I wish I still cared. I wish I felt something besides amusement at the whole ordeal. Unfortunately, my ability to compartmentalize has already filed him in the same miscellaneous drawer as the “Kick boxer” and that douche-bag who cut me off in traffic the other day. Every once in a while, I pull them out, dust them off, and have a good laugh!


PERSONAL NOTE: I am eating an orange. It is not as good as the clementines in your fridge!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: You are the defender of the universe! Wear that badge with pride!

03 February 2009

Come back with your shield, or on it

Current Mood: Smitten

Must mistake me, you're a sucker
To think that I would be a victim,
Not another, Say it, play it how you wanna
But no way I’m never gonna fall for you, never you, baby
~ “Womanizer” by Britney Spears

I hesitated even writing this due to the inevitable backlash. Still, I am not ashamed of feeling this way – even if it does cause others to mock me. Sometimes, I have the overwhelming need to watch Britney Spears videos. I have a playlist on Launchcast videos that contain my top 10 favorite Britney music videos. What can I say? I have a huge girl crush on Ms. Spears. She looks amazing – her voice is better than it has ever been. *no comments, please* It is impossible to watch the new ‘Womanizer’ video and not admit that Britney’s back and hotter than ever!! Yay, Brit!

Now on to other things. Marcus Aurelius is going to the body shop today. He will finally be repaired from the little mishap in the ‘Bed, Bath, and Beyond’ parking lot over a month ago. Per the written estimate, he will have a new front bumper, a new headlight, and a new Honda emblem. That is the most important part, mind you. That plastic ‘H’ costs far more than one would think. I am already worried that the paint won’t match and that Marcus will never look the same as that first day . . . grrrrrr. Damn bitch who hit my car!

Last night, I saw the most amazing, fantastic movie ever in the history of movies . . . The 300. Yes, I know, you cannot believe I hadn’t seen it already – well, now I have and let me tell you, not only is the film absolutely incredible and beautiful, even with all the gore, but it made me kind of hot while I was watching it. Damn, I want a Spartan of my own . . . or maybe I already have someone better in mind. *blush* Do not inquire, because I have no comment!

For you trivia fans, here are some random dates and useful inventions:

1764, Bifocals were invented by Ben Franklin
1795, Pencils were invented by Nicolas-Jacques Conte’
1878, Light Bulb was invented by Joseph Swan (Edison invented his in 1879)
1977, Post-Its were invented by Arthur Fry, who was trying to come up with a better bookmark for his hymnal.

Well, that’s all I have for today. . . I had a good time in New York. If I remember, I’ll post photos later!

PERSONAL NOTE: It’s not so complicated . . . is it?

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: You center me. You inspire me. Thank you.

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.