21 June 2013

For Reals

current state of mind: conflicted

Open that soda pop, watch it fizz and pop
The clock is tickin' and we can't stop
Open that soda pop, bop-a shu-bop shu-bop
The clock is tickin' and we can't stop
~ “Soda Pop” by Britney Spears

Last week I went to the doctor to talk about my sleep situation – AGAIN! Here is the situation in a nutshell . . . I have issues sleeping. When I do sleep, I don’t sleep well, per my sleep study technologist. My brain doesn’t sleep.  I can sleep for 12 hours and still not actually have any restorative sleep. .. Therefore, I have been walking around sleep deprived for a very long time. My dilemma is that I don’t want to take anything that makes me groggy; so while I have a prescription for some serious sleep meds, I rarely use them. On the flipside, I take medication to stay awake during the day – but I still have consistent daytime sleepiness.

Anyway, back to last week in my doctor’s office. I was chilling in Patient Room #2 and he walks in and asks how the sleep situation has been. I explain that the “stay awake” meds are losing effectiveness and that I am sleeping more frequently, but with no additional restfulness. He nodded thoughtfully, verified that I still wanted to refrain from traditional sleep medications, and then made an unconventional suggestion: “Okay, I want to try something. We are going to combine a prescription and a supplement to see if the combination will get you to sleep and keep you asleep. “

Before I tell you what I am taking, I want to tell you that after taking it for seven nights straight, I have noticed a difference in my sleep. I am not waking up in the middle of the night. I am still fighting my alarm clock, but I don’t feel the “sleep monster” fighting quite as aggressively. I think the stuff is working. Now for the troubling part. . .

The prescription portion of this sleep miracle has a detrimental side effect which occurs in approximately 10% of users. I was not aware of this side effect until yesterday. I have been experiencing the side effect, however, since Monday morning, when I bought a Diet Coke, took a drink and gagged. It tasted “off”. So, I bought a different one, which also tasted terrible. I complained to my co-worker, “Brack”, who said it tasted fine. The next day, the beer I ordered tasted “off”. Again, I complained to “Brack”. Wednesday; same story. Soda was gross. Beer tasted off. Last night was the final straw. I was drinking a swig of root beer. It was disgusting. Without thinking I said, “I think your root beer is out of date.” My date took a drink and said it tasted fine. I shook my head in dismay. What was happening to me?

Then memories of the past week flooded my brain. I grabbed my phone and Googled “Topamax and taste”. Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. First search result I read talked about how a noted side effect of Topamax was . . .“Some people on TOPAMAX may have taste changes where food or drink tastes differently. This has been reported with carbonated beverages, for example.“ The next result mentioned that sometimes the issue will go away after a few months. That was really the most positive thing I could find about the situation.      

I have consumed more water in the past week than I have in the prior 6 months combined, I think. It is the only beverage thus far that hasn’t tasted differently. It saddens me. I feel like Meryl Streep at the end of Sophie’s Choice. Who do I put on the train? Diet Coke or Sleep?

*sniffle* *sniffle* Good bye, silver and red can of artificial goodness. I hope I will see you again, soon.

So, yeah, that’s my story. The other side effects mentioned have yet to be experienced . . . though, I wouldn’t mind the 4% – 6% weight loss. There’s always a silver lining.

PERSONAL NOTE: Thanks for being so awesome!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  1 and 3 are guaranteed. 2, I will do my best.         

11 June 2013

Write Your Name Across the Stars

current state of mind: bewildered

I could tell you "We belong together."
 And I could tell you "You belong with me."
 But we've run out of things to say
 And we'll be happy anyway so
~ “Another First Kiss” by They Might Be Giants

Do you remember your first ‘real’ kiss? I do. I don’t remember yours; but, I remember mine. I was 14. It was May, 1991. If I looked in my high school journal I could tell you the precise date and time. For now, let’s just be satisfied with me knowing the month and year.  His name was (and likely still is) *name omitted in case he Googles himself regularly – because I just found him on LinkedIn by doing just that*. He was a soccer player and very handsome. We met at an academic competition. I invited him and his friend to my house to watch a VHS movie with me and my cousin the following weekend. They came.

He held my hand while we watched a movie that I have completely buried in my memory.  I went downstairs to grab some more soda. Ben followed me.  Before I could walk into the kitchen, he said my name. I turned around, and then he leaned in and kissed me. His lips were soft. His hands went to my waist. I am sure I sighed. In my memory, the angels bowed at the splendor of such a romantic kiss. The reality is, it involved parted lips with no sloppiness. At 14, that’s a damn fine kiss. 30 seconds later, the moment ended and we went back upstairs to finish the movie. He held my hand again. The boys left as soon as the movie was over. And that was that.    

We had several mutual friends throughout high school and yet, *1st Kiss* and I never knowingly crossed paths again. I saw his picture in the newspaper a few years later. He was dribbling a soccer ball for his high school soccer team. The article said he had led his team to a much needed victory. He was still pretty good looking; however, by then I was ‘in love’ with a different soccer player and that first kiss was just a sweet memory. A teenage girl’s heart may be fickle; but, she never forgets her first kiss . . .

Especially when that girl keeps a detailed spreadsheet documenting the names of every boy she kissed up until her second husband was told he could “kiss the bride”.  It all gets a little fuzzy after that. . . Thankfully.

PERSONAL NOTE:  I miss you so very much. Hard to believe things are so different now than from when we first became friends. 

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  I wish I could hug you right now. I am sorry for your loss.   

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.