23 November 2009

And Incidents Arose From Circumstance

current mood: sha la la la

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight,
to be with you
~ “I’ll Be There” by Escape Club

While watching ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ I was reminded that happy endings are sometimes more bitter than sweet. It also brought back memories of that great song, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something. Sometimes, in relationships, by the end, you are grasping at straws to find any commonality – anything to hold onto besides the memories of better times. I have not had very many romantic relationships which actually fall into the ‘relationship’ category. I have had one-sided crushes; friendships with benefits; and even emotionally debilitating, fanciful romances. But, when I think of actual relationships – where both parties behaved in a consistent manner for a minimum of 3 months. – the list is short.

In fact, last night, I was laughing at comments that a friend was leaving on my FB, because he was once the prime focus of all the romantic energy I had in me. While I was sitting there laughing, Mi Madre asked me to share the humor. When I told her who left the messages, she said, “You used to be so in love with him. You were so sure he was the end all, be all. You don’t still feel that way, do you?” LOL I responded in the negative – and didn’t feel it necessary to share the fact that I no longer feel the need to profess my undying love for the soccer player I once revered. Our friendship has evolved into something a little less stressful and a lot more real. He is still tempting though.

On Friday, NBF and I went to see Cirque Dreams Illumination at the Orpheum. Before the show, we didn’t have time to eat so we ran by Cubbies downtown and purchased a few purse-friendly snacks (chopped walnuts, Odawalla bars). While he was paying for our purchases, the girl behind the counter said in a very bored tone of voice, ‘Did you want to buy some energy beef jerky? No one ever buys any.’ Sure enough, there on the counter was a full jar of beef jerky with caffeine and guarana added to it. Then the other cashier piped in, ‘well that one guy who used to hang out in here all the time bought some once. I haven’t seen him around lately.’ We grabbed our snacks and left them discussing the Cubbies regular who once bought beef jerky with energy and his possible whereabouts. It was the first time I think I truly felt like Alice in Wonderland at the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party. How is a raven like a writing desk?

The Cirque show was mesmerizing. NBF and I were discussing the toll such feats take on the bodies of the performers. Does anyone know the average retirement age for a Cirque performer? I find circus people as intriguing as carnies. They are one and the same, I suppose. I don’t care if they are classy performers – let’s call a spade a spade or in this case a circus freak a circus freak. Anyone who can fold their body in half while dangling 20 feet above a stage is a circus freak! I am not being derogatory. They are amazing and talented folks – and probably very cool to chill with; but my guess is that our conversation would be limited by my inability to do anything remotely cool – hell; I cannot even do a push-up.

Before Machelle goes on a tirade regarding my mind-over-matter issues with push-ups, I want to let everyone know that NBF has me on a great strength training program and if I actually stick with it, I will soon be doing push-ups with the rest of the modern world. Plus, I am running out of time to apply for the FBI – and I know for a fact that push-ups are part of the physical requirements. I would be an amazing FBI agent. I crave the fashionable look of bullet-proof vests and dark sunglasses. I wonder what the age limit is for applying to be a ninja. That seems like a cool job too.

For those who don’t know – I had my root canal on Friday. Hot dentist did not perform the procedure. The Specialist did – and I am totally cool with that. The person who was supposed to get a root canal was a no-show, so they got me in. After last week’s fiasco in the dentist’s office, I am just happy that the issue was taken care of. Let’s revisit last week’s first attempted root canal . . . *rewind* *rewind* *rewind* -- I am reclining in the dentist chair. I am staring into the dark brown eyes of my very good looking dentist. He is holding a syringe in my mouth, and saying “You are going to feel a small pinch.” Numbness begins to permeate my mouth. We wait several minutes for it to take full effect. The drill begins – I feel a little pain. .. Followed by a LOT of pain. Dentist stops drilling. Another full dosage of anesthetic is given. BY the time we start drilling again, my body has already metabolized a lot of it. Hot dentist aborts root canal mission. I am referred to the aforementioned specialist. . . . *return to present time* Luckily, I still get to go back to Hot Dentist for the crown. Always be thankful for small miracles.

This week I will be packing and shipping Christmas presents. Yes, they are all wrapped and ready to go. Now the only Holiday Stress I have will be organizing and cleaning my room and crafts. Anyone want to help?

PERSONAL NOTE: I ordered your shirt. Hope it is what you wanted.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Thinking of you during your birthday week. Wish I could hold your hand one more time.

10 November 2009

And the Wall Came Tumbling Down

current mood: magnetic

There is no other place I want to be
Right here, right now
Watching the world wake up from history
I saw the decade in, when it seemed
The world could change at the blink of an eye
~ “Right Here, Right Now” by Jesus Jones

I receive a lot of forwarded e-mails on a daily basis. I used to be able to ignore them – but lately some people within the workplace have decided to send them as well. I read everything that gets sent via my work e-mail – as I know the one day that I just ASSUME that something is junk, it will turn out to be a test of some sort. Luckily for me, I have one friend, ‘Blue’s Mom’ who only forwards stuff that truly is funny. Sometimes she sends things I have seen before – but they are always real chuckle-fests so I look forward to receiving them. In fact, some of the stuff she has forwarded ends up being ‘inside jokes’ which make really stressful days more bearable. For instance, look at this picture:

How can someone not laugh at this? The look on that dog’s face is priceless. I don’t care whether or not it was altered with Photoshop. All I care about is the fact that every time I look at it, I laugh. It NEVER gets old.

So, today, I received a list of random thoughts. I will not print them all here – but I will highlight a few that I love, along with my personal commentary on the thought. I left the original numbers on each one – so if you would like to receive the whole list, just let me know.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

This is absolutely true. In fact, I have a couple friends who have very similar responsibilities when I die. Anything ‘embarrassing’ needs to be removed from prying eyes. I certainly don’t want my family debating on who gets to dispose of my ‘toy collection’. LOL Granted, it isn’t much of a ‘collection’ but I’d rather my family not have to wonder why I have Velcro wrist restraints while they are sorting through stuff for the estate sale. Ha ha ha

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

This is a truism which has haunted me since sophomore year in high school. For our composition class, we had to write an essay detailing when we made a difficult decision. I wrote mine about a time I made the ‘safe and responsible’ decision. It bored everyone. Yet, when I tell the story about the time I made a drug run with two strangers and a roadie from a band, then got to meet the band and the hottest drug dealer who has ever lived, people are amused. It’s a good story – but very poor decision-making.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

NO comment. This has never happened to me.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Does anyone else do this? I know for a fact that there are people who have MY NUMBER in their phone for precisely this purpose. I not only have them in my phone for this purpose; but I have my ring tone set to silent for them as well. That way, I never accidentally answer without looking. It is quite effective.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

Ridiculous questions from children are the most difficult to answer. I remember when the twins asked us what a stripper was. I thought their dad was going to choke. I smiled and asked where they heard the term, as they were 6 at the time. They said they had heard a song with it. We clearly explained that a stripper was someone who stripped paint off walls and cabinets before they could be repainted. This made complete sense to them and I thought the subject was closed. Imagine my surprise a few weeks later when they pulled me aside to quietly explain that a stripper was someone who took her clothes off and danced. They thought it was important that I know the truth in case someone else asked me. Good Gourd!

Buck up little camper. Your box office funnies will bring sunshine to the other woes!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Next time you drunk dial me – identify yourself. Had I known who you were, I would have chatted longer.

06 November 2009

Sterile Loyalty

current mood: *blank*

But I want more than a touch I want you to reach me
And show me all the things no one else can see
So what you feel becomes mine as well
And soon if we're lucky we'd be unable to tell
What's yours and mine the fishing's fine
And it doesn't have to rhyme so don't you feed me a line
~ “Run-Around” by Blues Traveler

Walking into work this morning, I used my left arm to alleviate an itch on my nose. As my sleeve touched my face, I was assaulted by an aroma that can only be described with two words: ‘dog pee’. I stopped walking. I smelled my shirt sleeve again, in hopes that I merely had a misfire of neurons in my brain – and that my shirt didn’t actually smell like Ebie’s urine. NO SUCH LUCK! Brilliant.

It was six minutes until 8am. I couldn’t run to Wal-Mart to buy a new shirt. I couldn’t even run to No Frills. Of course, even though I work in a bloody mall, there are no stores in it – I had no choice but to continue walking into the building. Luckily, only the left sleeve carries the scent of Aroma d’Ebie. The rest of the shirt smells like fabric softener.

As soon as I reached my desk, I found my bottle of “Febreze To Go” and soaked the left sleeve with it. I also wiped down my arm with anti-bacterial wipes. The overwhelming combination of Febreze and Lysol covered up the smell of urine for at least 20 minutes. Damn, that stuff is persistent. I repeated the process again, this time ensuring that the cloth was completely saturated with Febreze. I could wring out the excess liquid onto the floor by the time I finished spraying. I used the remaining anti-bacterial wipes to clean my arm AGAIN, and then for good measure rubbed the sleeve with the wipes until they began to deteriorate. No more urine smell!

I just need until lunch time – when my friend and co-worker, ‘Blue’s Mom’, will return from her lunch break with a black shirt that I can wear. Luckily for me, she gets to go home and let her dog outside, where he will undoubtedly NOT URINATE on her clothes. I am so blessed to have such a charming little bitch at home. I use the term, bitch, in the appropriate sense.

Actually, there was a change of plans . . . I went to No Frills on break, bought some Tide, and hand washed my shirt in the break room sink. It is now hang drying in the cubicle at the end of my row. It is ultra dry in here and with any luck, the shirt will only be slightly damp by the time I leave for the second job!

My toothache is now a dull annoyance since I went to the new dentist last night and had my cracked filling replaced. My new dentist is very cordial. His hygienist is too – well, the one I met. The office has 6 or 8 dentists in it, so the others may not be as great. Still, Dr. Jace Williamson is an awesome dentist and he painlessly handled my tooth issue on short notice. And yes, for those of you who are already suspicious of my new found adoration for my dentist – he is very easy on the eyes. I definitely will enjoy my bi-annual teeth cleanings! Please do not confuse bi-annual (twice-yearly) with biennial (every two years). I love going to the dentist (even if they are not hot) and would not miss my 6-month cleanings ever!

In fact, I am going in for my 6 month cleaning TOMORROW!

PERSONAL NOTE: I love you. You are my refuge.

05 November 2009


current mood: in pain

Are - you in?
Livin' in sin is the new thing (Yeah).
Are - you in?
I am countin'!
Current mood: painful
~ ‘3’ by Britney Spears

I have a toothache. No one enjoys having them – and mine is probably not the worst toothache in the world. My face isn’t swollen. There is no giant infection in my mouth. Still, it IS a toothache – and it does INDEED hurt like a futher mucker. I have an appointment with the dentist Thursday night after work. I am very happy that this particular dentist could get me into the office so quickly. Normally, I abhor chain dental groups and avoid them with the same intensity that I avoid spiders, rabid dogs, and outhouses. This time, I couldn’t possibly wait until my personal dentist was free – which was sometime next week, if they could fit me in. Good Gourd!

While I was trick or treating in Texas with Girl Twin and her sister, I coined the new catch phrase of ‘Good Gourd!’. Yes, it is a combination of Good Lord and Good God – both of which would have been the intended phrase to come out of my mouth – alas it was not to be and the girls were doubled over in a fit of giggles because I said ‘Good Gourd’ instead. I’ll consider it a burst of inspired creativity and stick with it.

While in the Lone Star State, I made the conscious choice to begin journaling again. I bought a beautiful leather-bound journal and have every intention to begin writing in it this weekend, when I will also be doing lots of other responsible and important things (like cleaning my room; doing laundry; packing my summer clothes; and packing up all my Christmas presents for shipping.) I have discovered that while it is very organized to have all of my presents purchased and wrapped – it is quite another thing to not get them sent out in a timely manner, resulting in everyone thinking you never purchased them in the first place. Procrastination is an evil, evil thing. I refuse to give in to its seductive powers.

Speaking of seductive ways . . . NBF is quite handsome and deserves a moment of silent adoration *pause*. Now, I can continue with my original thought, which is that I have one urgent requirement and am hoping that someone will be able to assist me:

I need the use of a pick-up truck in the VERY near future. This weekend would be best so that I can take advantage of the warm weather and move my belongings from my very expensive, old storage unit to my new, far less expensive storage garage. Help me, Obi-Wan Pick-up Truck Owner; you're my only hope.’

PERSONAL NOTE: Thanks again for showing tough love and making me get rid of those atrocities.

Good luck to Joanna Cargill and all of the other Breast Cancer 3-Day Walkers embarking on their 60 mile journey this Friday in Dallas/Fort Worth!

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.