current state of mind: sleepy
Well in this life you must find something to
live for
Cause when the darkness comes a callin’
You’ll go back to where you were before
Cause this life is as fragile as a dream
~ “As It Seems” by Lily Kershaw
A little
over two years ago, I bought a new bedroom set from a local furniture store owned
by a wealthy acquisition conglomerate. The name is not important; for those
keeping score at home, however, it has the name of the state in its name.
Understand that my luck with this furniture store has not been exceptional. The
first time I bought a bed from them, in 1998, they delivered it at 5:45am on a
Saturday morning, not caring that they were waking our entire apartment
building. Then they weren’t going to assemble it, and I had to not-so-gently
remind them that assembly was included in my delivery cost. I also took that
moment to remind them that they were supposed to deliver it two other times
during the week; but someone screwed up, and perhaps they could just put the
damn bed together without argument. Sorry, I digress . . .
Anyway, when
I purchased this bedroom set three years ago, I verified delivery times twice
with the clerk. She even circled it on my receipt. Imagine my lack of amusement
when the delivery people called and said they’d be late. I had taken the
morning off work and it turned into a full day off. When they arrived, the
delivery men were nice enough – though they once again tried to leave without
putting my bed together. I was fine with
not unwrapping the bookcase or bedside table – but that bed was getting put
together. I should have known, based on
the stamped “MADE IN CHINA” that the quality of the furniture was not going to
be like the Amish would built it – still, I had hope.
Within 6
months, I noticed that the bed rails were not that secure – resulting in a
wobbly bed. I didn’t let it bother
me. Eventually, I had to switch rooms
for the remodel, so I took the bed apart, moved it into the other room, and
reassembled it. The metal slats on the
rail ends fit even less securely than they had before. Then, about 8 months ago, I rearranged my
room and not wanting to take the whole bed apart again, I put it on those
furniture shifting discs and I moved the bed.
BAD PLAN! As I was pushing the
bed I heard the distinct sound of pressed plywood (disguised as hardwood)
cracking. Bloody Hell! One of the rails completely dislodged itself
from the metal hook that slides into the headboard. I was able to fit it back; but I knew that my
luck was running out.
Over the
past several months, I have propped and re-propped boards under the rails, in
an attempt to prevent the bed from breaking any further. I called the store and asked if this was
normal behavior for their products and they said my warranty was out, so I could
just suck it. Okay – those were not their
exact words – but they were unsympathetic and did not care that the quality of their
product was shite. Well, this past week,
the bed broke yet again. And this time,
it was the rail ends on which I hadn’t yet attempted repairs. So this weekend,
I made it my solemn duty to fix that damn bed, no matter what it looked like
when I was done. That last part is
important . . .
After
throwing the sheets into the washer for their weekly laundering and bleaching,
I headed to my room to play carpenter. Disassembling
the bed was tricky due to my prior repairs.
Eventually, with perseverance, I was able to take it apart. Then I went to work. After belatedly
remembering that I needed to drill pilot holes to prevent the wood from
splitting, I asked my Papa for the “hole drillers”. Looking nervous, he asked if I needed any
help with anything. I quickly declined his assistance and said, “Nope, I just
need to fix my bed and I want to make sure the wood doesn’t split (ANY MORE – I
whispered to myself).” He retrieved me a
cordless drill and the “hole drillers”. Then
I went to work AGAIN.
I started by
fixing the rails themselves. I figured out a method of attaching the metal
hooks back onto rail ends. I reinforced
their attachment with some very nice screws from my tool kit. Once I was convinced that they wouldn’t fall
out again, I began working on the headboard, as it had far less damage than the
footboard. I verified that all of
support pieces were in place so when I hooked the rails back on, they wouldn’t
snap out. Then I looked at the footboard
and realized I was in trouble. Pilot
holes or not, that piece of furniture was never going to look the same,
regardless of how careful I was. I
removed half dozen screws that were compressing large chunks of split wood onto
the footboard. It was about this time
that I watched them cut Ned Stark’s head off in Season One of “Game of Thrones”. Dear God, I hate that inbred Joffrey brat. I
had to halt my productivity to curse at the television.
When I
returned to the heap of bed pieces on the floor I stepped on my tool kit and
sent approximately 250 pieces of metal fasteners, screws, nuts, bolts, washers,
etc. sprawling across the floor. Of course, Elizabeth AND Gracie had to come
investigate the noise. “Get out!” I shouted
at them, not wanting them to make the mess worse. Neither one cared a whit that
I was asking them to leave. After
drilling approximately 2 dozen pilot holes, and filling those holes with
screws, I felt pretty confident that the bed would hold. I reattached the rails. The headboard connections were perfect; the
footboard, however, not so much. It was
just a matter of time before they gave way again. The higher attachments, however, appeared to
be sound. So the only choice was to use the upper attachments. The issue is that those attachments are
really for use when there is no box-spring. Still, beggars can’t be choosers. I raised the rails, reinforced the footboard
side with a couple of 2x4s and a dozen more screws.
I replaced
all the bed slats and stacked the box-spring and pillow-top mattress on my
freshly repaired bed. Everything was sturdy and I felt confident that it would
all hold. Then I made my bed with the clean sheets and I finally understood how
Dr. Frankenstein felt. With a nice bed skirt, I couldn’t even see the repair
work. In fact, the only noticeable difference
was the fact that my mattress was very high . . . like ‘Princess and the Pea’
high. I feel like a little kid trying to climb into my big-girl bed. Elizabeth cannot jump on or off the bed due
to its height. Instead of fretting about the ridiculously high bed, I am going
to be IKEA-inspired and utilize all that extra space under the bed for storage. If anyone needs any work done around the
house, feel free to ring me up.
PERSONAL NOTE: I cannot wait to see you
this weekend!
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Thank you for being my friend and for suggesting
the movie, “Super 8”.
