current state of mind: “mean reds”
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds. You mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat, and maybe it's been raining too long. You're just sad, that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
~ “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Truman Capote
When Girl Twin was six years old, she pulled me aside and said, “I believe when you die that you really just turn into someone new and start all over again.” I remember being astounded at this insightful philosophy from a six year old girl who was raised with very little religion. I smiled at her and said, “Then you believe in reincarnation. People who believe in reincarnation believe that when a person dies, they are born again as someone or something else.” After scrunching her face up, deep in thought for a moment, she looked up at me and nodded in understanding. “Okay, then I believe in reincarnation.” Then she stood up and ran off to play with her brother. She never mentioned the topic again. Eight years later, I wonder if she still believes in reincarnation. I could ask her; but a part of me wants to hold on to that conversation and a child’s innocent assessment of the meaning in our lives.
Recently a friend brought up the fact that she had a dream that in a former life I was a queen who suffered the not-so-fun ending via decapitation. That does limit whom I may have been in a past life:
- Anne Boleyn (supposed withcraft, incest, and adultery)
- Katheryn Howard (adultery)
- Mary Queen of Scots (treason, possible murder plot)
- Lady Jane Grey (treason)
- Marie Antoinette (being wealthy)
Now if we look at recorded noble women who were beheaded, the list gets longer:
- Margaret, Countess of Salisbury (treason)
- Jane, Viscountess Rochford (treason)
- Beatrice Cenci (murder)
- Lady Alice Lisle (treason)
- Marie-Madeleine-Marguérite d’Aubray, marquise de Brinvilliers (poisoning and murder plot)
- St. Catherine (I don’t think saints come back)
- Charlotte Corday (murder and treason)
I would be content having once been one of those women, if for no other reason than they had pretty comfortable lives and wore some beautiful clothing. Overall, however, I am hopeful that I do not get to re-live the end through past-life transgression therapy or hypnosis. My desire to attend renaissance faires and eat huge turkey legs does give some indication that I was once nobility; but I don’t suffer any unreasonable fear of sharp blades or guillotines. So, perhaps my friend’s dream was less prophetic and more creepy. LOL I suppose time will tell – wait, time already did tell. Oh, the paradox . . .
PERSONAL NOTE: Looking forward to Saturday.
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Not sure how much longer . . . if only . . .