26 August 2008

GUEST BLOGGER -- Let's put the fun in Mammogram

Thoe following is brought to you courtesy of a fellow blogger -- read and enjoy!

Mood: disgusted

On Friday, after the "slide down, please" field test, the she-doctor
decided to go Nazi on me and demand that I get my first mammogram.
I relented.

Now let me stop you right now and say there is nothing wrong with me.
No detectable lumps. No problems. But as the she-doctor put it, she
wants a "baseline" for if and when something questionable ever arises.

I made the appointment at a facility close to my home - and bonus! -
they have Saturday appointments so I won't have to miss work. After
making the appointment, the darling girl transferred me directly to
pre-registration so I wouldn't have to plow through the lines at 8am on
a Saturday morning.

Today, I got an itchy feeling about the whole process and decided to see
what my insurance will cover.

Hold music..."Don't let the sun go down on me..."
"Hello, you're speaking with Mike. Is this -N?"
"Yes it is."
"What can I help you with today?"
"I'm calling to see if Mammograms are covered under my plan."
"I would be happy to check for you. And might I add, thank you for
taking such a pro-active role not only in your preventive health
maintenance, but in verifying your coverage with us!"
(Yeah, yeah...why didn't I get a woman rep...?) "Ummm...you're
"Yes, -N...your insurance does pay for Mammograms. It's 90% after you
have met your $350.00 deductible. Now if you like, I can check to see
if the facility you will be choosing is also covered."
"Please do. It's blah blah blah, Elm Drive."
"Yes, they are covered!"
(oh, joy.) "Great."
"Thank you! Would you also like to see how much of your deductible is
(Whatever. I'm on lunch. I have 5 minutes to get back.)"Ok."
"Oh...it says here that you have only met $65.00 of your deductible so
far this year. Is this a family plan?"
"Wow, you and your family are VERY healthy! That is so wonderful to
(Idiot...) "Thanks, I guess. So, your're saying I will pretty much pay
the entire amount of my Mammogram?"
"Yes, BUT because you have chosen a facility within the network, the
entire amount will be applied to your deductible AND you will pay a
reduced rate!"
"Ok, thanks."
"You're WELCOME!!! Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
(Go kill yourself?) "No, thanks, bye."

Now...I am not a large woman. ALL the women in my family are small. In
fact, the pediatrician just issues the Itty Bitty Titty Committe cards
at birth. One thing I have heard - above all the other horror stories -
is that Mammograms are more painful for smaller breasted women.

Nor am I a rich woman. The very idea of paying upwards of $200 is just

So, everytime I think about this upcoming procedure, I get nauseous to
the point of passing out.

Comments? Consolations?

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.