31 August 2012

Utterly Adorable – Yet Oddly Terrifying

current state of mind: frightened

Now he's marching towards scaffold
Head erect he shows no fear
And while standing on that scaffold
Ireland cross he holds so dear
~ “Tom Williams” by Flying Column

When I arrived home on Thursday afternoon, all I wanted to do was take a hot bath and relax after a stress-inducing day. Five minutes after lowering myself into my amazing Turkish-style bathtub, my phone rang. It was K-Shrub, and I ALWAYS answer her calls because she could give me a nephew any day. This particular time, however, there was no announcement of labor or hospitals or babies. Instead, she wanted to “chat”. I let her know that I was trying to take a bath, to which she responded, “Oh, that’s cool. I need you to talk to me until after I get gas for my car.” I agreed to her terms because she is pregnant and uncomfortable and she just wanted someone to talk to while she was filling her car with fuel.

When I tried to say “goodbye” after she was back on the road, she explained that she just wanted to talk to me until the air conditioning cooled the car off. Again, I agreed, knowing that her car cools off rather quickly. Twenty minutes into the phone call, I realized that she was not going to let me off the phone until she was in her apartment – a 45 minute drive. I let the water out of the bath and put on some comfy clothes. I opened a beer, grabbed my Nook, and started reading while listening to K-Shrub talk. 

30 seconds into this process, she asked, “What are you doing?” 

I responded, “Listening to you.” 

She paused, then said, “No you aren’t. You’re reading. I can tell.” 

I put the Nook down and replied, “K-Shrub, I am not reading. I am listening to you.” (Note: This was true as at the time I was no longer reading.) I then spent the next half an hour chatting. Any time I attempted to get off the phone, she reminded me that once the baby is born she won’t have time to talk to her big sister like she wants to, so . . . you get the point.

Finally, she arrived in her parking garage and said that after she walked the two blocks to her apartment, she would let me hang up. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I actively engaged in conversation. 

About a block from her house, K-Shrub started whispering, “There are a lot of blind people outside my building again. I wonder why they are always outside the building.” 

I asked why she was whispering and she explained that when you lose one sense, the others get stronger and she didn’t want them to here her talking about them being in front of her building. Fair enough! 

As she passed them to walk into her building, K-Shrub chatted with them about the weather. Before the door closed behind her she shouted, “See ya!” 

At this specific choice of words, I burst out laughing and the beer I was drinking came out of my nose. 

“Why are you laughing?” she asked. 

“K-Shrub, you just said “See ya!” to a group of blind people. 

“Ooops! I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just being nice.” 

I just shook my head and reassured her that it was fine. Sometimes she is so sweet and well-intentioned that even social faux-paux work for her.

After hanging up, I fielded three more unexpected phone calls before I was finally able to sit down and relax. Scrolling through the Guide, I saw that “Paranormal Witness” was on. Turning to it, I found myself caught up in the terror and creepiness of paranormal experiences being described by real people just like you and me. Unfortunately, it was a scary episode and the re-enactments were causing my heart rate to increase. Adding insult to injury, when the episode ended, another one started. I rechecked the Guide and discovered that there was a “Paranormal Witness” marathon going on. I was too frozen in my seat to change the channel. I don’t know how many episodes I watched before sleep finally took over. What I do know, however, is that I am a very big fraidy cat and that my fear of the dark is not tempered by my incessant desire to watch scary shows about scary things. At least I had three dogs and a cat to protect me through the night.

I need a life.

PERSONAL NOTE: Good luck on your Robotics competition over the next couple of weeks. You are so amazing and we love you so much! 

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Happy belated birthday to you, handsome! SWU! 

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.