Current mood: amused
Doctor Doctor
Won't you give me the love I'm after
I know you got yourself aplenty
Won't you write me something steady
~ "Patient Patient" by the Morning Benders
This morning, I skipped my morning Mt. Dew and instead decided to try something new. For a mere, $2.00, I purchased a can of Starbucks DoubleShot + Energy Drink (Vanilla flavored, for anyone who is curious). I shook it well before opening. I am not a fan of energy drinks. I think they taste pretty gross – and I will never, ever understand people who ruin good vodka by pouring Red Bull into it. Still, I wanted an iced coffee and this DoubleShot drink was my only choice.
I opened the can and due to the shaking, some of it splashed out. No worries – I took a tentative sip and was not overly impressed with the taste. It was NOT horrible – but NOT really very good either. And it had a funny after-taste. Not funny Ha-Ha, but funny Unusual. I grabbed by Go Green mug at the suggestion of a co-worker and poured the contents of the can into it. It vaguely resembled coffee in appearance and smell. Not one to waste money, I began to drink the concoction. Amazingly, the more I drank, the better it tasted. I emptied the mug pretty quickly.
Within ten minutes, I felt a rush of energy and my heart was racing – to the point that I was really fidgety and talking a mile a minute. Looks like I found a new morning drink! Let's hope I don't crash by eleven. That would be unfortunate!
Now onto more embarrassing things. Yesterday, I decided that I wanted to try Speed Dating. I did a cursory search on the magical and mystical interweb and found a site which sponsors Speed Dating in my area. Next Thursday's session is full – but they appear to have them regularly. I called one of my trust sidekicks who agreed to go with me if I found a session that worked with my schedule. The sessions are held at "upscale restaurants in a public and safe environment" per the website. In order to be eligible to attend one of these functions, potential Speed Daters are required to register with the site and create a profile.
I did so – and while I felt ridiculously silly, I convinced myself that I could not do any worse than I already have with dating people I meet randomly. At least this way – I don't have to give them any personal information until I am sure I could handle them stalking me. Yes, the crazies are drawn to me like moths to a kerosene lamp. I have grown used to it. I really should just take out a personal advertisement which says "If you are interested in me, I require a release from your psychiatrist." I want to believe that this is not a reflection on me – but instead on society as a whole. There are just more crazy people in the world than there used to be. Wishful thinking? Perhaps.
I had several friends review my profile – verifying that it was a true illustration of my personality -- while simultaneously being witty and interesting. I even coerced one friend into signing up for the site, just so they could view the profile as a whole and give feedback. I didn't exactly have to twist his arm – but I do know he was not impressed with the women in his area. LOL Imagine my surprise when I started receiving messages that people were viewing my profile. And I was receiving little automated messages which indicate a potential interest.
I was looking at one of the profiles when I was taken aback by his level of attractiveness. I mean the guy was HOT! On top of that, he looked vaguely familiar. I kept staring at the profile, trying to figure out why the picture was so compelling. Then it hit me. . . I knew the guy. NO WAY!!!!! I could not believe my luck. . . Theo Epstein was actually messaging me on an online speed dating site. I couldn't believe my luck. I knew he looked familiar. Wow!!! Once I got my laughter under control, I decided to get a second opinion – just in case I was hallucinating.
I sent the picture to a friend and told him to compare. We believe with 97% accuracy that the picture is of Theo. Watch out Red Sox fans, I may have my own Season Tickets to Fenway very soon!
PERSONAL NOTE: 3 best words of advice: "Walk it Off"
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: One word – 'mediocre'
