Current Mood: Nostalgic
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some--
someone else's heart
pumping someone else's blood
and walking arm in arm
you hope it don't get harmed
but even if it does
you'll just do it all again
~ “On the Radio” by Regina Spektor
I remember as a teenager I would daydream about the ideal song for my first dance at my wedding reception. It alternated between “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago and “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. For years I never wavered away from those two selections. Then, when it came time to actually sit down and select a wedding song, I went with one from left field, “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion. Looking back, I wonder if I knew, deep inside, that after my divorce, I would never be able to listen to the song again – prompting me to select one that had no meaning to me.
I didn’t dance at my second wedding. It was a private affair, with close friends and family. We had a song though. It was ‘our song’ – of course. I have not heard it in a very long time. I don’t know whether or not I would feel anything if I did hear it again. I don’t intend on finding out. Some things are better left undiscovered.
Someone told me the other day that they don’t know how I went through two divorces. I wanted to explain that it takes mad skills, patience, and that you just have to take it one marriage at a time. Life happens – and sometimes what we plan goes awry – leaving us with pieces to pick up and reconstruct. I am not Miss Fix-It by any means; but I can use logical reasoning to patch things up enough to move on. It’s what we do as humans.
Resiliency is strictly a human trait. I believe it is what makes us different than our animal counterparts. In the wild, the weakest are picked off – survival of the fittest, etc. But humanity – wow, the things we force each other to endure. We are the cruelest species on earth, yet we keep living AND loving. There is something to be said for that. For every dark event there is a light which encourages; the silver lining, I suppose. For every heartbreak, there are two lovers who find one another. It’s an eternal cycle. For every death there is a birth.
Mi Madre gave me a plaque which says, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.” This is a Seneca quote – but it is also a song lyric by Semisonic. Who would have thought they were fans of Seneca? Anyway, I digress. The quote makes a very valid point – that nothing is infinite, except change. Things begin and things end. What matters most is that periodically along the way; we stop, look around, and take a snapshot in our minds.
I am not sure why I decided to venture to this depth today – I really had planned on being amusing and light-hearted. Like I said, plans often go awry.
PERSONAL NOTE: Cannot wait to see you tonight!
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Thank you for the encouragement and your faith in my ability. I will really think about your suggestions. Love to the Missus!
