10 April 2012

Brilliant Plan

current state of mind: muddled

No matter what I’m feeling
I won’t hide it.
You know that you can tell me
Every secret.
~ ‘All of You’ by Colbie Caillat

The Universe is conspiring against me.  My fortune cookie told me to stop spending money; yet, no information was provided regarding how I am supposed to pay my bills without spending money.  I have considered selling a kidney, as I have two and really don’t need that second one – but a 5 year stint in prison and a $50,000 fine would really put a damper on the excitement of being debt free and one kidney lighter.  Interestingly, I can sell it legally in Iran.  But, the going rate for a kidney in Iran is $6,000.  Screw that!  Ahmadinejad isn’t getting my organ for under 100k.  Sorry, but a girl has standards.  Apparently, there are people willing to pay a hefty $100,000 grand for the little bean shaped organ.  If it was good enough for Hannibal Lector to eat, it should be good enough for me to sell.  Suffice it to say that the government of this so-called “free” republic has ensured that I won’t be going under the knife anytime soon, even if it would save a life AND improve my stress level.  “But, Mahmoud’s people get to do it . . .  why can’t I?” 

“i’m sorry, i just please need you to shut up for one minute . . .”

Wednesday, I have an Employment Law exam and a Legal Memorandum due.  I seemed to have forgotten that a major part of turning in a paper is actually writing it.  Bloody Hell.  So, now, after Torts, instead of going home and going to bed, I will be going home and writing a half-a$$ legal memo which may, or may not, make sense.  Luckily for me, however, someone who shall remain unnamed (even though he really should be given a name, as he is a grown-up and deserves to be addressed as something besides “Hey You”) gifted me with a marvelous book, Woe is I.  If you haven’t read it, you should.  If you have read it, then you can go back and correct the grammar in all of my prior blog postings.  I don’t have the time to do so.  Once again, I have overextended my obligations to the point that I may in fact never be able to claw my way out of the hole I am in.  Insert gratuitous Hunger Games reference here.  Where is Cinna when I need him? 

“May the odds be ever in your favor.”

Next week is my bestie’s birthday.  She deserves to be showered with gifts and balloons and flowers and new shoes.  Since I cannot spend any money (Blame the Universe, not me) I am hoping she reads this and knows that I am thinking about a pair of Louis Vuitton slingbacks that are the bomb!  Happy Birthday!

“Life is what happens while we are making other plans.”

Facebook bought Instagram! As soon as Apple buys Facebook, the New World Order will be complete and we can all just succumb to assimilation.  Don’t worry; it only hurts the first time!  After that, it’s child’s play – ask any parent with an iPad!

PERSONAL NOTE:  Winking at a coworker and blaming it on your “jacked up” contact really does work!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE:  Love and Acceptance are the same thing.  Through one, we get the other. 

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.