current mood: sleepy
i'm not afraid things won't get better
but it feels like this has gone on forever
you have to cry with your own blue tears
have to laugh with your own good cheer
~ “Good Intentions” by Toad the Wet Sprocket
Preface: I am not a thief. I am more of a collector.
Last Friday, I went to the Toad the Wet Sprocket concert at Stir. I was front and center for Glen and the boys. ‘Veggie Girl’ was there too. As we were listening to one of our favorite bands, several things were rushing through my mind. The first thought was that when I started listening to Toad, NBF was 4 years old. Ha ha ha. I have been a fan of a band for 20 years. Unbelievable.
I became rather nostalgic as the show went on. I found myself thinking back to middle school and high school when wearing flannel shirts and jeans were the norm. Dear Lord, am I dating myself or what?!? As always happens when I think of flannel shirts, I couldn’t help but picture my very own ‘Skater Boi’ from high school. He was unbelievably good looking with black hair and a gorgeous face. He had a green and black plain skater flannel that he always wore when he went skateboarding. He let me borrow it one night when I was cold and he was being a gentleman. I loved that flannel. Still do, in fact, since I never gave it back. We broke up on a cold January day. He accused me of cheating on him with the only guy that I would have actually cheated on him with – but I hadn’t done so, and told him so. He apologized for not trusting me. I apologized for having to break up with him anyway. That night, I wrapped myself up in his flannel and cried myself to sleep. Since then, that flannel has comforted me through many a break up.
That flannel was the first of many ‘kept shirts’ throughout the years. I have lots of them. Each has special meaning and brings a smile to my face. My intentions are good ones – as I always meant to return them – it just never seemed to happen. They are not ‘trophies’ to indicate how many hearts I have broken – nor are they pathetic attempts at holding onto what I can from lost relationships. The shirts are tangible memories. When I see them, I am reminded of whom I once was and the journeys on which I have been.
The habit has rubbed off on my little sis who also has quite the collection of ‘old boyfriend’ clothing. Currently, in my possession, are three shirts belonging to NBF. As he reads this, I imagine he is trying to figure out how he will reacquire them. If it is any comfort, I have every intention of returning them.
PERSONAL NOTE: Have fun at your bachelorette party tomorrow night!
PUBLIC NOTE: If you haven’t already, please donate $5.00 to the Breast Cancer 3-Day! http://www.the3day.org/goto/jtuck