current mood: inept
Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
~ “Speechless” by the Veronicas
When I was in high school, I was constantly rendered incoherent and speechless by one of the assistant football coaches. He was a student teacher and ever so cute. I was a sports trainer and ever so adoring. I don’t know if it was common knowledge that my powers of eloquence were completely disarmed by this aspiring history teach/football coach. Most likely, it was. Though, I don’t recall being teased about it by anyone other than those people on the training staff. Compared to my obsession with freshmen boys, I suppose crushing on a coach was pretty minor. At the end of my senior year, I approached this particular and managed not to stutter or blush. It was an accomplishment which left me hopeful for the future.
Moving onto college, I felt secure that my days of blushing in the presence of a male authority figure were over. Apparently, I celebrated prematurely. Sure enough, one of the assistant football coaches had the exact same effect on me. I would attempt to speak to him and end up sounding like a blathering eejit. This time, though, I know for a fact that I was transparent in my inability to form a sentence. This is why I was constantly assigned to follow him (and the quarterback) up and down the sidelines as their personal water girl. The training staff found it amusing that I would turn bright red and remain that way until Coach Els was no longer in my presence. I ended up taking a class from him my junior year. BY that point in my college career, the entire athletic department had grown used to my bizarre behavior around him. You’d think that 3 years of exposure would have helped the situation. Not so much! I spent an entire semester in a class where I couldn’t speak without blushing. Mortifying – yet highly amusing to those around me. And a shout-out to Molly and Autumn, who used to write me fake letters from Coach Els – completely mocking my situation.
Oddly enough, I don’t know what trait it is that transforms me from wordsmith to shy violet. It isn’t merely handsome looks, as I hold conversations with attractive people on a daily basis. I also talk to authority figures, male and female, with no difficulties in word formation. And it definitely is not unfamiliarity, which was proven today by my inarticulate conversation with someone I have known and worked with for over 10 years. Yet, today, just like every conversation before this one, I blushed bright pink, could not maintain eye contact, and had to use every ounce of self-control not to giggle like a schoolgirl as he spoke to me. Dear Lord, how he has any respect for me professionally, I will never know. Yet he does, which is why I am hopeful that he does not realize the profoundly embarrassing effect he has on me.
Unrelated comment: This weekend I will be walking 60 miles in the Chicago Breast Cancer 3-Day! Wish me luck!
PERSONAL NOTE: I miss your kisses! Hurry home!
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: I enjoyed our conversation(s). Thank you for being you.