09 January 2012

I'm Not Giving In This Time

current state of mind: empathetic

I’ll find repose in new ways
Though I haven’t slept in two days
Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
~ “Vanilla Twilight” by Owl City

Received a telephone call from across the pond today. The caller had the audacity to tell me that it sounded like my accent had picked up a “twang”. WTF?!? I think that is the most serious case of "the pot calling the kettle black" I have ever encountered.

Watching movie previews is fun to me. I love getting excited about upcoming films and turning to whomever I am with to either say, “We have to see that” or “That looks ridiculous.” Recently, while at the movies, I saw that “Titanic” is coming back out in 3-D on the IMAX. “K-Shrub” turned to me and said “We have to see that.” I shook my head, explaining that I don’t think I can sob through that movie again. I haven’t watched it in its entirety since college because it makes me so sad. By mistake, two years ago, I was flipping channels and watched the scene where Rose has to let go of Jack’s hand so she can blow the rescue whistle. That quick blurb triggered the waterworks and I had to watch the rest of the movie, crying the whole time. Even hearing that Celine Dion song makes me tear up. The first time I saw that movie, I was in college. My roommate, “Nickel”, and I went. We walked out sobbing, only to get in the car and have that song playing on the radio. I had to pull over because I couldn’t see through my tears.

“Titanic” is not the only movie with this effect on me. I haven’t watched Goose die on Top Gun in over a decade. I leave the room during the flat spin and don’t start watching it again until Maverick shows up at Viper’s house to talk about his options. I don’t know why it makes me so sad; but it does. I am well aware that the movie is just a movie. Sometimes, rational thought flies out the window and all I can do is turn into an emotional ball of crying fluff. Generally, the crying doesn’t stop until my face is all red, my eyes are swollen, and my head is pounding from the emotional deluge.

Recently I had a conversation with ‘Dad of 3’ when we were on our way home from a dinner date. A song came on the radio and I mentioned how the first time I heard the song, tears just started running down my face. It was the singer’s voice and the emotions behind it which triggered the response. I am not a crier in real life situations; only when being affected by the arts. My first recollection of this emotional crack in my veneer was during E.T. when I was a little kid. When E.T. was finally going home, I turned to my dad and said, “Daddy, can I have your hankie? My eyes are watering.” I cried when Darth Vader died. I cried when Savannah was returned to her parents in ‘Savannah Smiles’. I sobbed at the ‘Last Unicorn’. And every time I read the book, “Behind the Attic Wall”, the tears start about 2/3 of the way through and continue until the end.

So, if you ever come up to me and see I have puffy eyes and I look a little worse for wear, assume that I need a hankie cause my eyes are just watering.

PERSONAL NOTE to L.S.: Oh, Darling, I wish you were here.

PERSONAL NOTE to K.H.: War Horse . . . War Horse . . . he can pull anything.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: You totally stole my cookie. Grrrrrr.

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.