14 December 2011

Laughter is Not Always the Best Medicine

current state of mind:  cherished

All my life, I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide, waiting for someone to tell me
It’s my turn to decide.
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you King of Anything?
~ “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles

While I am on break from school, Tuesday and Thursday nights are reserved for working at the studio for mi familia. I actually enjoy it, even when there are things I would rather be doing. It feels good to help out and support a local family business; especially when the local family is mine! I digress. Let’s move forward to the issue at hand.

After getting off work at the studio (20 minutes earlier than I was scheduled to leave), I headed over to “Hooper’s” house.
[SIDE BAR: I am calling him that because when we were in Hooper, NE for a holiday party, he gave me money to play the crane game and I won a purple stuffed elephant. I was pretty stoked about the whole thing and behaved with the enthusiasm of a small child who was just given a trip to Disney World.]
So, when I arrived at Hooper’s place, he let me know that he had acquired a splinter in his index finger. I asked if he had any tweezers, to which he responded, “Um, not exactly. But I have removed most of the splinter already. There is just a small fragment left, I think.” I offered to take a look at the finger and sure enough, a small splinter fragment was embedded pretty damn deep. I asked if he had used a needle in the absence of tweezers. Again, his response was in the negative. I immediately had flashbacks of when I tried to conduct self-surgery on my elbow several months ago.

When he showed me what he had been using to cut into his finger, I started to laugh. It was a serrated edge blade. And those edges were sharp. I was willing to MacGyver it if he was. I grabbed the blade and his finger and held them as close to the light as I could. This is where things went downhill. You see, when someone is conducting self-surgery, they are well aware of their own pain threshold and acts accordingly. When you let someone else take over, the lack of anesthetic becomes readily apparent. Granted, I should have had him numb the area with ice first, but I didn’t think it would be such an involved procedure. He was brave and only yanked his hand back a couple of times. I suggested he soak his fingertip in some hot water to soften the tissue and I also advised him to hold an ice cube on it to numb it before I started digging out the splinter again. Unfortunately, I was unable to remove the fragment and I don’t think my constant commentary on his lack of adequate splinter removing tools was helpful at all. I don’t know how much blood loss occurred; but I am pretty sure the wound will scar.

Let this serve as a lesson for all of you out there who could possibly get a splinter. Own a sharp pair of tweezers and a travel sewing kit (for needles). And for those who don’t want to perform unsterile surgery in your apartment, there is always the interwebs, which provides quite a few suggestions for splinter removal, which include using glue, bread, bacon fat, duct tape, a sliced potato, baking soda, or some magical stuff called Ichthammol ointment (also known as black drawing salve) which apparently smells putrid but draws the splinter out. The other option is to just wait for your body to purge the offensive item – if you can tolerate the pain that long. Also, verify that you have a tetanus booster as your doctor recommends, just in case . . . If all else fails, give me a call, I am always willing to “help”.

PERSONAL NOTE: Congrats on your amazing review. You are a phenom as a worker, a wife, and a mother. Well done!

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Revenge is a two headed snake with sharp fangs.

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.