04 January 2011

I thought I had until December 2012

current mood: fickle

Six o'clock, TV hour
Don't get caught in foreign towers
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting
~ “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” by REM

Anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock knows that the Mayan calendar implies the world is going to end in December 2012. While the descendants of the Mayans express their displeasure at this interpretation of their ancestors’ calendar, we know that they just don’t want the rest of us to be as prepared as they will be. I suppose they deserve that little edge, since they were the civilization that figured out when the sun would set for the last time.

Now, however, there is a new group of peeps (majority of them seem perfectly normal with one exception) who believe the world is going to end on May 21 of this year. Yes, 18 months earlier than I planned. This is not good news for my creditors who had hoped to squeeze a little more of my soul out of me before the end of days. These radical Christians have taken it upon themselves to become evangelists and spread the warning so that everyone can repent before then. For those who are still here after May 21 will endure a purgatorial era of turmoil and famine until sometime in October.

One woman interviewed has quit her job, alienated her friends and family, and plastered stickers all over her minivan. She drives all over the place, making sure anyone who will listen knows the facts. When asked whether being here on May 22 will make her regret her recent choices, she responded with this: “If May 21 passes and I'm still here, that means I wasn't saved. Does that mean God's word is inaccurate or untrue? Not at all." I hope she disappears on the 21st of May; because that level of disappointment (aka DENIAL) should not be experienced by anyone. There is a reason MOST religious groups refrain from providing a date for the Rapture, end of the world, Second Coming, etc. That reason is so no one stops believing in their movement after the date passes.

Until the Pope or a major Caliph comes out with a prophesized date, I feel pretty good about relying on the Mayans for all of my “end of the world” news. This means that you can rely on my blog to provide any updates on the matter. Sleep soundly; all is quiet on the Western Front.

"He fell in October 1918, on a day that was so quiet and still on the whole front, that the army report confined itself to the single sentence: All quiet on the Western Front. He had fallen forward and lay on the earth as though sleeping. Turning him over one saw that he could not have suffered long; his face had an expression of calm, as though almost glad the end had come."
Thank you, Erich Maria Remarque, for that downer of an ending. And thank you, Mayans, for a little more notice than poor Paul had in the aforementioned quote.

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.