10 May 2010

The Rain Goes On

Current mood; transitional

My evil tongue
Does seem to run
With a mind of it's own
I must be cursed,
I always make it worse
You may as well just take me home
~ “I Talk to Much” by Just Jack

Life has been a little more “terrain-filled” than I generally like, but, my horoscope indicates that the backsliding should cease soon. I am all for a lack of backsliding. I feel like Sisyphus most days. I study, I work, I do not get enough sleep, then I “rinse and repeat” the next day. I have a nice leather journal with pristine (and empty) pages. I had someone ask me what motivates me and the only thing that came to mind was “maternal instinct”. Granted, I was asked this particular question on Mother’s Day, so maternal instinct was definitely on the brain.

I think I need a life coach. Wasn’t there a reality show that revolved around getting a Life Coach and creating the life that was meant to be lived? With graduation season upon us, I desperately want to address the graduation class of 2010 with words of wisdom which include “following your bliss” and “doing what you love” and “reduce dependence on material goods”. Easy to say, hard to live. I am not motivated by money – but perhaps that is because I have no money with which to be motivated. *sigh* I truly am motivated by my desire to be a good role model for the twins (all 3 sets of twins, actually). My incessant desire to be a mother is an excellent motivator.

I have all but given up on ever carrying my own child, even if I could afford the IVF treatments. I have a feeling that my body is a hostile one. Adoption, on the other hand, would be so beautiful and amazing. I read all of these horror stories of unplanned pregnancies which end in abused infants; abandonment; or even death. I would gladly take on one of those babies and love them. I wouldn’t even have to adopt them. I would happily serve as a guardian for one of those unloved children. I have two brothers who would happily serve as male role models for any child I brought into my home. I cannot imagine a child who could be so loved, while not living in a traditional nuclear household.

Anyway, someday, I will have the opportunity to be a full-time mother. I hope.

PUBLIC NOTE: For anyone who is waiting on Second Base Preservation Society t-shirts – they will be mailed tomorrow, I promise. Sorry for the delay.

PERSONAL NOTE: I will miss you.

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.