19 September 2011

Do As I Say Not As I Do

Current mood: inspired

Pardon the way that I stare
There’s nothing else to compare
The sight of you leaves me weak
There are no words left to speak
~ “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” by Frankie Valli & the Four Season

Last night I saw the traveling Broadway show, “Jersey Boys”. It was a phenomenal show. Not only was the musical amazing, but the dialogue and the acting were beyond entertaining. I felt like I was actually in their story, following their journey. It was remarkable!!
I also went on a first “meet” with someone this weekend. For those of you who do not know . . . I have been online dating, for amusement and to hopefully meet some nice people with whom I enjoy spending time. Saturday’s first “meet” was probably the most interesting one I have had thus far, based on the debacle that it became with NO ASSISTANCE from me. Lol To preface, my online profile is pretty clear with regards to what I am looking for:

MY RELATIONSHIP NEEDS: I have not taken the "relationship needs test" because I know what I need: a non-smoker with nice teeth, who displays a sense of humour, won't get drunk in public when we're together, opens doors for women, and is more physically fit than me.
That should set the stage for what we are about to relive. . . together. . . ready?

Saturday morning I receive a phone call and a text from this guy from an online dating site who has been corresponding with me for a few weeks. He works long hours and has 5 or 6 pictures on his site that show him hanging out with friends, golfing, on vacation, etc. He looks professional, normal, and he is 30, which is pretty grown up for my dating preference. LOL

So, “HuskerFan” asks me what I am doing for the game, as he would like me to join him and his friends at a local watering hole to watch the game. Since I was working, I said that I would see what time it was after our last appointment and would get back to him. I inquired whether his friends would think it was odd that he invited a girl to hang out with them who he had never met and he said, “No, they are already pretty drunk.” To which I rapidly fired back, “And how drunk are you?” He responded that he wasn’t drinking yet, as he was going to be driving. That sounded responsible and I got back to work.

Fast forward to game time. I was leaving work and I texted “HuskerFan” to find out where they were. He told me the name of the location, which is close to my place, so I headed over there. When I arrived, I walked past the rather loud and boisterous smokers outside and entered the bar. (Did you catch that foreshadowing? If not, re-read the prior statement.) The bar is pretty small and there are only a dozen or so people inside. I look around and do not see “HuskerFan”. I call him and see a guy outside WHO IS SMOKING answer the phone. Bloody hell. I am already annoyed. But, good manners dictate that I am polite for 60 minutes. That is my own personal online dating rule. 60 minutes of politeness before I run.

I ordered a Sam Adams and “HuskerFan” and his friends put together a couple of tables. We all sat down to watch the game. I sat next to “HuskerFan” and “Friend #2”s wife, who is very nice. She is talking about her kindergartner and “HuskerFan” is laughing about a picture she made him that is on his refrigerator. I started to soften my outlook on things, until “Friend #1” throws a phone at him and says, “Hey, you have 21 missed calls.” I hear “HuskerFan” mutter “that bitch” under his breath, before he looks down at his once-again-vibrating phone. And he answers. I am doing my best to ignore his conversation and continue talking to the wife; but it is difficult since the conversation has gotten rather loud and I couldn’t ignore him saying, “Don’t you get it? I hate you. Stop calling me. You cannot keep doing this. 21 missed calls in an hour? Really? I don’t want to talk to you, you stupid whore.” Then he slammed the phone onto the table and walked to the bar for a shot.

Oh wow! Okay. . . I am watching the clock tick down and figure that leaving at halftime would be the most sensible time to leave and the least noticeable. So I wait patiently as the refs call for a tv timeout, wishing that I were anywhere else. The wife at this point was doing all she could to keep the situation comfortable. She asked how long I had known “HuskerFan” and I said this was a first meet. Then the gloves came off. She very carefully and quietly did what all women should do in this situation. . . she told me to run away fast. She said that he was a nice guy but way too much drama, a drinking problem, and that since I had nothing invested I should bail at halftime and not look back. LOL The whole time she is speaking in an undertone so her husband doesn’t hear.

I look up to see “HuskerFan” pacing by the pool tables, on the phone AGAIN, yelling, though I couldn’t understand him. “Friend #1” looks at me and asks if I am leaving at Half-time, since my purse is in hand and there are 30 seconds left on the clock. I said, “yeah, I think I should go.”, with a hint of laughter in my voice. He said he figured as much but that it was a pleasure to meet me and that he was impressed I stayed as long as I did. As I got up to leave, “HuskerFan” returned to the table, with another shot in hand. I said, “Hey, thanks for inviting me, I gotta go.” He just shook his head and wouldn’t even look at me. . “K, bye” he mumbled. I walked out of the bar, trying not to laugh until I was out of sight of the windows. I hopped in LUCIUS and drove home, trying to brand the day in my head so that I could write this story for you. 

This valuable lesson cost me 3.50 for a beer, which I drank. It was well worth the trouble, as stories like this are difficult to come by if I just sit at home and take naps. I hope the entertainment value of this little tale promotes mirth and laughter! Go Team!

PERSONAL NOTE: I had a great time at Jersey Boys. Thank you for a lovely evening.

CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: Thank you for serving your country (and ours) in the same conflict. Hugs!

Eidetic Vision

Main Entry: ei·det·ic Pronunciation: I-'det-ik Function: adjective : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images - an eidetic memory Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.