Bring my courage back now
Would you bring it back to me?
I’m tired of being afraid of what I can’t change
I want to be living free
~ “Courage” by Glen Phillips
I watch the show “Lie to Me”. By “watch the show” I mean I have watched the first season on Netflix. I think I am 3 seasons behind or something – but that is neither here nor there – because I still consider myself a “Lie to Me” watcher. In the show, there is a character that lives his life based on the radical honesty concept. Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia.com about radical honesty:
Radical Honesty is a technique and self-improvement program developed by Dr. Brad Blanton. The program asserts that lying is the primary source of modern human stress, and that practitioners will become happier by being more honest, even about painful or taboo subjects. Blanton claims this form of honesty can help all human relationships since it "creates an intimacy not possible if you are hiding something for the sake of someone's feelings."
I think I am a good candidate for this philosophy. I certainly don’t filter my thoughts – so why should I need to filter my words? There are people who say that it is more important to demonstrate care for other people’s feelings. I am pretty sure that I could grow used to just stating my true thoughts – once I overcame the guilt and fear and the ‘bitchiness’ stigma. I am pretty sure I would be out of a job before week 1 was complete. Who are we kidding? I would be out of a job by day 2 – and only because it would take people that long to determine whether or not I was suffering from a medical ailment ie. stroking out or having an aneurism. As soon as they decided it was not my health, I’d be gone.
Without a job, I would find it difficult to pay my bills; but at least if the creditors called I could just tell them that I have no money and that until my unemployment check arrives, nobody’s eating steak. That didn’t even really make sense . . . but hopefully it created an image in your head that did make sense. Here’s to hoping!
Okay, on to better banter. I am taking two classes. As of this moment, I have an A+ in both. And in one of the classes, someone even likes sitting by me. In the other class, it’s pretty apparent that NO ONE likes sitting by me, because the entire class sits in their same spots, except the two people who always get stuck sitting by me. LOL I admit, in my Monday night class, I do not go out of my way to be welcoming. I spread my stuff out and I don’t make chit-chat. I also refer to three of the girls in back as the “troll sisters”. And two of them are the “teachers pets” – but not really sure why because neither of them answer very many questions in class. Oh, and the third girl is one of those people that I would befriend out of pity and it would turn into a modern version of “Emma” – and by “modern version” I don’t mean a cool, everyone is beautiful and rich ‘Clueless’ version of Emma. I mean a “Metro Community College” version of “Emma”, which would make Jane Austen die of humiliation, if she weren’t already dead.
I certainly do not believe I am better than these people – we are all equal on this planet. We all have our role to play and our parts to contribute. I just know that my contribution parts shouldn’t comingle with the people in my class (with a few exceptions, and they know who they are). Now, my Thursday night class is completely different – There are 4 people in there that I can tolerate. No, not the guy who is taking the class to represent himself in future criminal trials; nor the woman who comes in wheezing with her heavy breathing; and definitely not the over middle age woman who has a STORY for everything and loves to jump into people’s conversations from across the room to “contribute” when she doesn’t even take as good of notes as I do. GRRRRRRRRRRR!
In my mind, I have been beaten up, run over, and shanked in the side by my classmates – all because I practiced “radical honesty”. The more I think on it, the more doubtful I am about this whole radical change . . . give me evasion, denial, and passive-aggression any day of the week over risking life and limb for letting people know what I really think of them.
PERSONAL NOTE: You’re so vain; you probably think this blog is about you . . .
CONFIDENTIAL NOTE: You’re a futher-mucking eejit! Seriously.