For those who know me; well, for anyone really, the question that is on the tips of tongues is, "Why did you leave Texas to move back to Nebraska?" Some people actually ask, while others give me that inquisitive look, without saying anything at all. I moved back for a lot of reasons. Am I drawn to Nebraska by some unidentified siren? Not so much. I am here because I have a family that needs me right now – and I needed to take a break from the memories.
Sometimes, we make choices that are in our best interest, even though we are not at all interested in making the choice. Self-preservation wins over desire and preference.
I am having some issues adjusting to the more reserved philosophy of living which permeates the Omaha culture. I mean, for example, many people who have only known me casually would most likely describe me as direct, focused, reserved, standoffish, and perhaps 'librarian-like'. Much like I see the people here.
Those who socialize with me can describe a completely different person. First off, I am damn funny. I mean, not comedian – let's take it on tour' – funny; but surprisingly amusing. I am also far more 'wild' than I am generally given credit. Ask anyone who has witnessed my behaviour at a Spazmatics show.
Still, it has taken me a long time to come out of my shell. A big thanks goes out to my D/BFF. Without her – well, I wouldn't have any idea how amazing it is to feel like I belong. I have felt more 'at-home' in my own skin these past 12 months than ever before. Thanks to her, I have often heard the phrase: "You are a lot more fun than I ever gave you credit for." And I like hearing that.
Anyway, my point is that I am doing my best to show Omaha my more fun and friendly side – even though people here are more reserved, in my experience. Thus far, I have startled a guy in the stairwell by saying, 'good morning', received several inquisitive looks when I say 'hello' to people walking past. And even the convenient store clerk was taken aback when I attempted to chit-chat while he was ringing up my iced cappuccino.
The most fun I have had since being here was last night with people from Fort Worth. That isn't to say that I am miserable. I am not. It's just. . . I guess I am homesick. I know it will pass. I also know that I cannot allow myself to crawl back into the safety of my reserved façade. It's lonely behind those castle walls.
PERSONAL NOTE: Love to my peeps in DFW! See you in a month!